Sex in your RV: Dear Abby is clueless

Dear Abby is not an RVer or she has no sex life. It's one or the other or maybe both. Here is a recent letter from her column along with Dear Abby's response. And, by the way, this is not the Dear Abby that most of us grew up reading. She's retired, and twin sis Ann Landers is dead. This is a brand new Abby, who is the daughter of the original Dear Abby, who we all loved. The pic to the right is the new Dear Abby. My guess is that anyone with hair like that does not camp. Here is the letter and Abby's response:

Dear Abby:
My husband and I are in our early 50s and are starting to spend a lot of time traveling in our RV and staying in RV parks and campgrounds. My question is about sex. With everyone so close, how do folks handle this? -- Two for the Road

Dear Two for the Road:
I searched frantically for my manual on sex etiquette in RV communities, but seem to have misplaced it. However, to the best of my recollection, the way to "handle it" would be to find a spot to park your RV some distance away from the other vehicles, keep the windows shut and try to keep your voices down.

So that's Abby's advice: Park in Right Field and Duct Tape your mouth shut.

For Pete's sake, Abby and this RVing couple are clueless. The fact is, you can't always pick an RV space away from other RVers. Either you get assigned a space in an RV park, or you can park in the back of the Forest Service campground, but sure as turkeys die in November, another camper will show up at dark and park right next to you. And after dark is when a lot of people do you-know-what!

At a private campground -- like a KOA or Jellystone Park, for example -- you could tell the clerk who registers you to please put you in a faraway corner because you want to have sex and you don't want anyone to know. You could slip that clerk an extra $20 and strongly hint that he or she keep the adjacent spaces vacant.

Or you just park wherever you are assigned, light your mood candles, drink your Merlot, pop a Viagra if you are past 85, and then do what you want -- play Scrabble, knit, or have sex. The fact is, nobody is listening and nobody cares. If your coach rocks a bit during your special event, just assume that your neighbors think you are really into your stretching exercises.

My advice to this couple would be to slap on the bumper sticker "If this coach is rockin' don't bother knockin.' Oh. . . by the way see a short video of how the coach would look at such a time.

New RV has slideout balcony: just what the world needs!

I nominate the new Veranda by Country Coach with its very own slideout balcony as the stupidest RV to come around in a long time.

The Veranda's balcony can hold 3,000 pounds, so about a dozen people can occupy it at once, which would be like like standing at a busy street corner in Tokyo. The deck adds extra weight to the rig, which is good news for Exxon and Shell. But the best thing about this new and "exciting" RV is that its owners never need to step on actual grass or dirt to get some fresh air -- a great savings in shoe leather (or rubber). In this picture, Dad is tossing a football to little Linda and Billy. Dad doesn't even need to get out of his rig to do it. How 'bout that?

Manufacturers of big coaches are having tough times right now because what people really want are smaller, more fuel-efficient rigs. So Country Coach, which laid off 100 workers earlier this month because its product sales are tanking like its competitors, has answered with this.