Are You a Bloomin' Ijiot? Anza Boreggo's Just the Thing

For many snowbirds, Quartzsite is a jumping off point to other adventures. Mexico lies an hour and a half to the south, with the lure of (ah!) shrimp tacos. Others come to roam the desert on foot or ATV, prowling for missed gold and other minerals. But there’s always a cadre desert enthusiasts how hang out in Arizona until the call comes from California: The bloom has begun!

The country’s largest desert state park, Anza Borrego, which lies just west of the Salton Sea, holds 600,000 acres of fabulous landscape. Visitors come year-around, sweltering in summer, hiking in winter, but late winter and early spring brings those following the spring bloom. Huge tracts of desert "light up" with wildflowers of an assortment to rival your grandmother’s salt shaker collection.

Well, that’s generally how it goes. Sadly, since last July, the park has received barely a piddling quarter inch of precipitation, and the bloom? Well, the bloom isn’t quite as spectacular as some years. Nevertheless, if you really want to see an Ocotillo ("Oke-oh-tee-oh") put on it’s flame- ressemblent bloom, hitch up your gitalong. Same too for that wonderful wonderful purple desert lavender, and the mysterious brittle bush. Maybe these guys will work for shorter wages, but whatever the reason, park rangers say they’ll be putting on a show--and immediately if not sooner.

Visit the park’s website, or call the 24-hour "Bloom Hotline" at (760) 767-4684 for more information.

Quartzsite & the Internet Connectivity Dilema

Internet connectivity: One of Quartzsite's perennial problems. In recent years, various "internet providers" have come (and many gone) in Quartzsite. For those who have telephone service, two providers provide local number dial-up service, the local phone company, and another ISP, Red River Internet. Cable? DSL? Think again, such ideas are still a future dream.

Then came the "wireless" providers. Various "hot spots" offering short-distance wifi connectivity pop up during the season: Park in their lot, sit in their cafe, pay a few bucks and you can log on to relatively fast access. On a year-around basis, Love's truck stop has wifi. A great bargain this year has been the Quartzsite Public Library: Bring you battery powered laptop in, get an access code from staff, and you can sit in the meeting room and fire it up.

But what if you don't want to have to pack up the equipment and trundle around town? A few years ago rvlogon.com came to town, installing antennas around the town promising good access. We worked with rvlogon for a couple of years--and it usually meant getting in the truck and driving into town from our location, three miles to the south. For a few months we rigged a wifi antenna in a big coffee can, ran it up a mast, and once in a while, wow! we could get rvlogon from out in the desert.

Verizon "broadband" subscribers can get signals across the area, but they are far from broadband speed out here in the boonies--somewhat faster than dial-up, the Verizon service provides internet connectivity with a heady dose of frustration--particularly in high season when everyone and his dog needs to share the limited radio spectrum.

The promise of dependable high speed connectivity has been more the subject of advertising, dreams, and occasional streaks of yellow journalism in one of the local "newspapers" than any sort of reality. If you need high speed access wherever you set up housekeeping in Quartzsite, it appears for now you'll need to set up your satellite internet dish and pay the big bucks.

In Search of Good Food--Is it Sweet Darlene's?

Is it possible to get a decent meal in Quartzsite? That’s the question that plagues winter visitors. My dining partner and I are on the quest like Ponce de Leon looking for that old fountain of youth. Our search took us to Sweet Darlene’s, a notable dining spot on the B-10 on the far east end of town.

On opening the door I was a bit startled to hear a "mooing" noise--my head jerked around, expecting to see an Angus on the way to the slaughter for the Oscar steak special. Nope, it was just Joe, my seat mate, already on the road to his opinion. "Looks like a feed lot," he intoned, once he got the bovine noises cleared from his throat.

Feed lot, indeed. Sweet Darlene’s has gone some distance since its early days in a tent. Today the restaurant is housed in a steel building, courtesy of recent-years’ town laws: If your business establishment is not open year-around, you must take your tent down. Hence, the wide open feel of a loafing shed. Long tables with resin-plastic chairs complete the human-equivalent feed lot story. But maybe the feed here is better . . .

The prices, according to many, are about right for the Quartzsite crowd. Breakfast specials, eggs, fries, biscuits and gravy, handed off with a bit of bacon: $4.95. Come around for lunch or dinner and the Oscar steak is a mere $8.25. Luncheon sammies run from $4.95 to less than six bucks. Not much here to cheer a vegan though, only a few salads grace the menu, and the typical greenery that will come with your order is cole slaw.

Service? Well, perhaps the wait staff are handicapped by the noise level--there’s only so much sound absorbency in the resin chairs and fake wood top tables: Our waitress asked three times what one of us was drinking--each time getting the same response. The drink order, when it arrived was not quite what we ordered either, but thankfully Darlene splurges and gets "the good stuff," when it comes to water--it’s pretty palatable, albeit a bit short on the ice.

The food is another matter. My dining mate kept finding odd "artifacts" in his food. Some unidentifiable and very hard object in the French fries, and what was this--some sort of mystery object in the cole slaw. A few bites later, a more identifiable object appeared in the slaw--a very cold, hard, and quite dead French fry. Maybe it was cole slaw in the French fries? And with the GQ (nope, that’s not ‘Gentleman’s Quarterly’ it’s ‘grease quotient’) I figured I wouldn’t need to touch the Dulcolax for at least a week.

From its early days in a tent to the modern (?) loafin’ shed character, Sweet Darlene’s is a rough hewn eatery best left for pinch time.

Latest "Truth" in Wal-Mart Quartzsite Rumor Mill

Quartzsite residents and visitors alike share a common complaint: It's a l-o-n-g way to Wal-Mart, stranded, as it would seem, in the middle of a "can’t get here from there," shopping scenario, 'doing Wal-Mart' is largely a full day’s trip to Yuma. When Wal-Mart announced intentions to build a supercenter in nearby Blythe, the prospect of a 25 mile trip to the world’s largest retailer seemed to many like a Godsend.

Rumors about the coming--or not--of "Wallyworld" have proliferated like RVs on the desert at high season. It’s hard to get a handle on the truth, but here’s the latest "truth," take it or leave it.

Two activist groups recently filed suits against the City of Blythe in attempts to stop the construction of the proposed supercenter. Oh yeah, just for the record, the location will (would) (might) be at the corner of Hobsonway and Inlet Boulevard--on the lot across the street from Ramsey’s Towing.

The legal action was not an unexpected turn of events, Wal-Mart had anticipated the suits, as the groups have often opposed Wal-Mart construction efforts throughout California. One group, MENOS, is said to be an environmental group dedicated to preservation of open spaces. Well, if you’ve looked over the plot of land on the corner, it’s doubtful you’ll find too many herds of buffalo, deer, or antelope recreating. Nevertheless, the group claims the land suffers from "hydrocarbon" pollution, and will need cleaning up.

Where does all this legal wrangling leave the small-town government? Since Wal-Mart has agreed to handle suits filed against the city relative to their construction plans, the big retailer will pick up the tab. Will the suits make it court? Blythe City Manger Les Nelson told the local paper, The Palo Verde Valley Times that he figures neither Wal-Mart nor its antagonists would be stepping up to the out-of-court plate anytime soon. "I think we’ll get through the settlement conference and then we’ll get to court, and I’ll be very interested how the judge reacts to their allegations." The paper’s news article dated January 31 implied that the suits focussed on open space issues, and on global warming.

How long will this ‘sidetracking’ go on? Nelson told the paper, "Eventually they’re going to build a Wal-Mart in town, and if you take the six months it takes to go to court, and the nine months to construct, I see a grand-opening in mid-year 2008." For the huddled masses yearning for the freedom of a local shop, that’s a lot of greenhouse gasses and global warming from having to drive back and forth to Yuma for another year and a half.

Quartzsite ATVers Wanna Break Records

They’re going to try it again: The World’s Biggest ATV Parade. Where else but in Quartzsite? Next Saturday, February 10, the off-roaders will be lining up at the fire house on Tyson Street. Since the guys at the fire hall will be running a pancake breakfast at 7:00, best to bring your appetite and your ORV.

The current "official" Guinness Book of World Records stands at 687 ATVs in 2005 in Wisconsin, although there is some contention that an outfit in Georgia broke it last year by having 1,138 show up for a run. Is money an issue? The Georgia group didn’t charge participants, so there may not have been sufficient proof of ridership.

In any event, the big Quartzsite event will be a fund-raiser for Willpower, Inc, a non-profit group that benefits a variety of cultural and humane activities. At $10 per rider, it may well be worth the effort even if the full number doesn’t shatter the record.

Credit: Cate Mueller photos / Willpower, Inc.

The QZ Friday Fish Fry at Janet's Kitchen

If it’s Friday in Quartzsite, it must be fish night. Seems like every restaurant in the area bows to that timeless tradition. Not sure how the fish feel about it, but on a "scale" of 1 to 10, the attraction is an 11, "just fin with them."

Next door to everybody’s nemesis, the Post Office, is Janet’s Kitchen. Yep, it used to be called Mark’s Family Restaurant, but Mark lit out for parts unknown, and Janet and a couple of her partners took the place over last fall. If you’ve ever been to the P.O. and looked east over yonder, you know that Janet’s place is not exactly what you’d call prepossessing. It’s an older building with schizophrenic tendencies about exterior decoration, and the interior, well, it’s a bit rough, too.

Still, Janet and Company put on food they way a lot of folks like it, even on days of the week that don’t start with the letter "F." Some may label it, "Typical greasy spoon grub," but if you have a hankerin’ for liver and onions, a ground sirloin steak, or the usual "American" dinner fare, you’ll find it here. Breakfast runs the usual suspects: A gauntlet of cakes and eggs--but the latter is a bit creative, as you can order up an omelet dubbed, "The Kitchen Sink." It’s not exactly a plumber’s nightmare, but does contain (among other things) ham, sausage, bacon, onions, tomatoes, cheese, mushrooms . . . you get the idea. Prices for dinner range from the mid sevens to the upper twelves, and yes, seniors get started at $5.49.

But about that Friday fish: We dropped in one night with a gang to test out the fish--nice white fish, pollock (as you might expect). The better-half of our party is not exactly a fish fin-atic, so she was quite pleased to report that, "The fish doesn’t taste fishy!" It’s an all you can eat special, but the "firsts" were bounteous enough that neither of us needed a refill. I won’t say that for Charlie, but, well, that’s Charlie for you. The fish was a bit on the oily side, but hey, this is QZ.

The cook that night was an efficient kinda guy, making up the clam chowder with "the night before’s" baked potatoes. Another one of our grubmates, Aggie, checked out the "shrimp." A nice portion, but they were big enough they could easily have classified themselves as prawns. And Joe-Bob was happy that the waitress kept the coffee coming. All this and only 11% sales tax on restaurant sales in this big little town.

Janet’s Kitchen, next door to the post office on the B-10.