RV Lifestyle and Visiting Relatives

DXSMac · Joined: 30 Apr 2008 Posts: 639 Location: Pacific Northwest

I hope this issue isn't too off the wall. Do any of you have to deal with relatives you visit who don't want you to stay in your RV and think it's silly?

Here's the issue: the relatives want me to stay IN THEIR HOUSE. Although I appreciate their extending me this, well, I travel with a pet. I don't feel it's right to impose the pet on other people's houses. I started RVing so I could take my pet with me! That was the driver for it! If the relative doesn't have a place for me to park the RV, no problem. I find a campground and I ride my scooter bike (www.egovehicles.com for what my scooter bike looks like....) to their house. In some cases, I stay at a park on a good bus line and ride the city bus. I'm fine with this. Oh no! The relatives want me to stay IN THEIR HOUSE. They think it's so silly for me to pay for a campground when I could stay IN THEIR HOUSE for free! Sorry, I'd rather be in my RV! Even if I have to pay for a campground! Especially with the cat! I do have some relatives who have a space for me to park the RV and if they let me hook up, fine. If not, fine. I know how to dry camp.

Do any of you have to deal with this and if so, how do you handle it? This is a touchy subject in my family!

JJ
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Feel free to leave me any comments.

Adrienne · Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 8:15 pm Post subject:

I was going to visit my sister and her family in southern CA at Thanksgiving. She invited me to share dinner with them and I could sleep in a "real" bed. I told her that I had a "real" bed and I was just fine with that. There were three adults and two children sharing a three-bedroom apartment with one bathroom. I said I wouldn't mind using the shower but if I didn't fit in their schedule, that was OK. I know how to boondock too. I was going to park behind their garage in the alley and have an extension cord for electric.

After arguing for a bit, I convinced her that having someone else sleeping on the sofa bed while I slept in their bed was an inconvenience for everyone including me

I didn't make the trip and she was disappointed, but I also was able to tell her about the difference between a mobile home and a motor home. That's progress!
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DXSMac · Joined: 30 Apr 2008 Posts: 639 Location: Pacific Northwest

Thanks, Adrienne. My family sees it as.... my insistence on staying in my RV is basically a refusal to stay with them. I explain that I take my cat and it's better for my cat to be on "our" turf. Well, I get the "you can bring your cat," but I sense it's just a "pro forma" statement. i.e., "we are just saying you can bring your cat to be polite, but we hope you understand we really don't want you to bring the cat."

There is just no way I can win with this one, or even come up to a mutually agreeable arrangement. I'm just the black sheep of the family because I insist on being in my RV and "refuse to stay with my family." In my case, the sleeping arrangements aren't the issue, the family members all have sufficient sleeping space. It's:

I want to be in my RV with my cat
versus
They want me IN THEIR HOUSE.

At one RV park I stayed at, I met an elderly couple who had full-timed for years. They told me that they like their RV because they can be on their "turf" and don't have to stay at people's houses. I can't make my family understand it's not about refusing to stay with them, it's about wanting to have my cat and be around "my" things.

JJ
_________________
Ok, I confess, the picture of me is six years old. For a more current picture of me, please check out my blog on RV'ing without a tow car:

http://rvingtoadless.blogspot.com/

Feel free to leave me any comments.

Adrienne · Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 6:37 am Post subject:

You're right: sometimes you just can't win with families. I've been the black sheep for years and have come to the conclusion that I look GOOD in black.

Also remember that your family raised you to be the person you are today so if they don't like the results, they know who to blame! Very Happy

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Adrienne Kristine
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http://www.FreeCampgrounds.com
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elh3946 · Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 1682 Location: Sioux Falls, SD

Explain to the relatives that having to pack a suitcase with clothes and toiletries, not to mention all the toys, food, and cat box for the cat, is a major inconvenience for you.

I've heard the comment about a "real bed" before...what do these people think we sleep on, a board?

For the relatives who insist that you stay with them, but they don't have a place for your RV, what do they expect you to do with the RV while you're staying with them?

Of course, there's no pleasing some people, but it's their problem, not yours.

Bo Walker · Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 292 Location: Tallahassee, FL

Well, I guess it is about time they try to understand what you want instead of you understanding their desires. I know you understand but they want you all for their own while you're there.
Others don't understand how we as RVers are attuned to the happiness of staying in our own condominium on wheels. If we didn't like it, most likely we wouldn't do it.
I don't have a cat or dog and don't want one. I have a Patagonian conure (bird) and don't want it. I just don't know how to sell him to a nice home. But you love your cat and it's your privilege to keep it with you.
No no, you girls aren't the black sheep. We love you and are glad to have you as family.
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DXSMac · Joined: 30 Apr 2008 Posts: 639 Location: Pacific Northwest

Motor31 · Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 7:24 am Post subject:

We visit friends and relatives more than once a year. In our case we stay in the RV. We have told folks that it's our home. We are happy to visit but we sleep in our home and take care of our critters each day. Staying with them isn't something we like to do and causes a problem with the pets as well as keeping an eye on the rig. If we were to put the rig in storage, it would cost us the food in the fridge/freezer as well as create other problems. We love them to death but it's the way we live and we like it that way.

If the family members have a problem. I'd ask them why they feel they have the right to dictate how we live if they simply can't accept our request? If it really becomes an issue, we won't be stopping by for any length of time. We earned the right to live as we want to and do not have to follow the instructions of kids, relatives or friends who seem to think they know better than we do about how to live our lives.
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DXSMac · Joined: 30 Apr 2008 Posts: 639 Location: Pacific Northwest

Motor, I agree with what you are saying. Now, if they don't have a place for me to park the RV, that's fine. I don't feel I should infringe on their parking area with my big rig. So I'll pay for a campground. My right to do that!

I think relatives tend to have "hidden agenda" on things and that is what causes the problems. When we stay in our RV, this interferes with some "idea" they have about how things are "supposed" to "look."

JJ
_________________
Ok, I confess, the picture of me is six years old. For a more current picture of me, please check out my blog on RV'ing without a tow car:

http://rvingtoadless.blogspot.com/

Feel free to leave me any comments.

christhebigfoot2000 · Joined: 14 Oct 2006 Posts: 20 Location: Mostly Texas Beach

How do I say control freaks nicely? Well I guess I can't,..so be it. Unless they RV they haven't a clue. Sometimes it helps to give them a tour of the RV. Of course the times you go to see them could be lessened. When they ask...you could say because you are tired of their insistance that you stay in their house. It has gotten old Or...you can shorten your visits by a lot telling them you have to meet up with RV friends someplace...anyplace. Smile

Us black sheep have to get tough sometimes.
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Stacy · Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 9:20 am Post subject:

My mom worries about me a lot. She worries that I'm in lonely places and in cities that she doesn't know about; about cell phone ranges (she doesn't really get the concept of cell phones or internet); about my finances and do I have enough to eat, and about the bad things that happened that made this a good choice of lifestyle for me. She wants me to come home and be fed (and no one cooks like mom), and go to a concert with her and just talk uninterrupted through the day. She wants me to come take care of her when she's failing and probably I will. We have all had our battles of the wills, but I am glad that my family keep in touch and show their concern.
There are pretty much no RVs where I grew up and this is an unknown lifestyle to her. She felt much better after she saw my trailer (and her husband is a big fan of the tow vehicle). I think that seeing that I had nice curtains and lots of windows was the key. Then I wasn't robbed or murdered. I had a run in with a stalker and told her what I did about that, and she saw that I'm capable. I ask for advice from her life experience at my age. I haven't called and asked for money. I send postcards to everybody. I call about once a week for forty minutes and we talk about the highlights--the Sunday ice cream, the cowboy dancing, the botanical museum...
I think that families just need to see each other (how many people have you met who travel a grand/kids circuit) and hear our voices to be sure that they don't need to get us back on track. This is supportive-getting each other on a good track- as is bringing new new ideas and experiences to those who are doing well in a conventional sense.
Sometimes the concerns she has for her children, and that I have for mine, seem petty, but I try to remember that we want our children to have happy, fullfilling lives because we love them and are charged with a lifetime committment to their care, and not because we worry about how they reflect our values.
Love and peace, Stacy
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paulwsc · Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 3 Location: Boston, MA

Recently DW and I rented a Class A to try out RVing (after three years of reading about it), and took the opportunity to visit our kids and grandkids in PA and NJ. We left NH and at each stop the kids wanted us to sleep in their homes. It being our first adventure RVing, we declined and they made us feel like we took their lollipops away from them. Explaining that we rented a Class A to get the feel of it all, we won out and smoothed over their feelings. We were very comfortable in the RV.

At one stop my son-in-law was very accommodating, providing a hookup for water and electric. At the next stop, we parked on the street and satisfied ourselves with a standard 100' electric cord to provide minimum appliance use (CPAP machine and coffee pot - a gotta have).

After the trip we decided that fulltime would be a good thing for us. Now we will save a little more and when the time is right, we are going. As for visiting relatives when we make the jump, we figure the best thing is to go to a campsite close by and have them visit us. Easier for us and them.

scotsmanlerxt · Joined: 30 May 2008 Posts: 2 Location: Reno NV

It sounds like your family's issues reach beyond decisions about your rig and sleeping arrangements. Perhaps a closer look for any codependency issues may help. An RV forum may only be able to deal with symptoms but not the cause of issues like these.

Best of luck and good health!
S

Jane Ann · Joined: 09 Jan 2006 Posts: 8 Location: Cincinnati

That's a shame. I visit friends in Montana with a 16,000 acre ranch and lots of room in their home. They said, "Come back any time you want and stay as long as you want - we like guests that bring their own beds!"

By staying in the fifth wheel, we don't intrude on their morning ritual or night time news, bathroom schedule, etc.

We bring our own kitchen and contribute some of our yummy dishes without using their kitchen, ingredients, etc. If I need a break or want to freshen up during the day, I just step inside the RV and take care of business, take a nap or catch up on e-mails.

Hope your family sees it your way!

Jane Ann

MoHoMac · Joined: 24 Feb 2008 Posts: 4

I go east to see my kids 2 times a year.
At first they each said I should stay in the house.
It was settled easy when I explaned that
Lok, it's my home, all my stuff is in there and my bed,
witch I like is in there, add to the fact that I won't
upset the daily routine of the house. Your be happer,
And I'll be happy to be able to see you's.
That's all it took. Now when I show up, they walk out with
elec. cord in there hand. (Well draging it really)
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Mac