By Chuck Woodbury
ROADSIDE JOURNAL
Calm down, Chuck, just calm down! That is what I am telling myself at this very moment. The reason is because a man has said something to me that made me mad! Maybe it shouldn’t have bothered me. But it did.
I was buying groceries at the supermarket. When I was about to finish up in the checkout line, the checker handed me my change and said, “Thanks, Pal!”
Pal? Yes, he called me Pal. I hate being called Pal. Pal is a name for a dog, but not a person. Now, if I were best friends with this particular person, he could call me Pal and it would be okay. But the point is, he is NOT my Pal and I don’t think he ever will be! I think that calling someone Pal who you do not know is disrespectful.
In this instance, had I been quick-witted, I would have said right back to him, “Well, thank you, too, PAL!” Then we would have been two pals.
Now that I think of it, where does the word “pal” come from? Is it short for something? If you say pal over and over again it sounds stupid.
And while I am at it, don’t call me Buddy either!
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lighten up, pal…
how do people on their 60 & 70 ect. feel about Young Man?
Probably about the same as women in their 70s feel about being called “Miss” by young male clerks at the store. But they’re trying. 😀 —Diane at RVtravel.com
Chuck sounds like a nut job/Pal
I hate when someone says “you guys” and it’s just me and I’m not a guy. PS a friend had a wonderful dog named Pal. RIP, Pal.
I’m not your BRO…..
Chuck, the phrase: “No problem”, is one that sets me off. Sitting in a restaurant or interacting with someone and you acknowledge their service by saying thank you and the response is, no problem. To me that is the same as saying, yes I was inconvenienced by waiting on you, I really hate this job, or just plain never were taught the proper reply would be thank you.
I’ve noticed in the past 10-15 years, more and more strangers and young acquaintances have been calling me dear, honey, sweetie, etc. At first I thought that my changed appearance as I aged made me seem approachable or “grandma-like”. I started feeling more and more vaguely uncomfortable by these terms. Waiters, waitresses, hairdressers, and now my new Doctor calling me “dear” caused me to evaluate what’s happening. One concern I had — do I appear old, weak, vulnerable and, if so, could I be seen as a victim by some predator? Am I over reacting?
My best friend’s daughter works as a home health aid. She overheard our conversation about this and chimed in “old people hate being called honey, dear, etc. I always try to call people by their name and treat them as equals!” Calling older people dear, honey, pal, is condescending and disrespectful. “Elderspeak” is the term for condescension towards seniors in healthcare settings.
Yes, many people think they’re being nice, and are shocked that someone would be offended by these terms of endearment. And, no, I am not a liberal snowflake. Call me “Your Highness “, Dearie.
Hi Chuck,
I am a long time reader, but don’t think I have replied to anything before. I agree 100% that being called ‘dear, honey, luv,etc. ‘ by someone I have never seen before is offensive and disrespectful ( I am 84+ yrs. old, so my opinion is probably considered obsolete by many ( most ? ) of the younger folks out there.
If ‘ thank you’ needs another word after it, ‘sir’ is quite acceptable, but unnecessary.
happy RVing,
cheers,
J.S.
I’m with you…same as “Dude”…especially coming from a millennial, it’s just disrespectful.
“Don’t call me Pal”. If it was said in a friendly tone of voice I don’t see a problem. Get a grip and move on. Rather he called you Bro ? Or Dude?
You tell me what.
I dislike Buddy so. It’s my dog’s name.
Ha! As I read your comment, I’m petting my dog, Buddy, who is under my desk with his head on my knee. 😀 —Diane at RVtravel.com
Welcome to WOMAN’S world … “Dear” “Honey” and on and on …
last comment, I promise. I am just totally shocked by this, I just never would have thought of something like this being offensive, I wish I could share it on some other sites. Having said that I am really curious to know what type of people get offended by something like like. I am from the south and stuff like that is common, so is it a regional thing? maybe just a bully type of thing where you don’t think anybody should talk to you at all, is it a liberal thing, they seem to be offended by anything these days. I just don’t have a clue, if you people would wear a t-shirt saying you get offended real easy i promise I’ll leave you alone, won’t say a word, wouldn’t want to offend you. By the way I am laughing right now about this whole thing, I’m just totally amazed.
Alan, I just don’t like being Pal. Personal thing. You do not have to make this a bigger deal. It isn’t a big deal.
It’s the land of the OFFENDED, my word add being called “pal” to the list, this has to be a joke.
I haven’t liked strangers calling me pal for at least 30 years. It was not yet the land of the offended. It has always seemed disrespectful to me. In this case, the guy calling me pal was less than half my age. He might have said “Sir.” This is related to when you say “thank you” to a clerk at a store and instead of saying “You’re welcome,” they say. “No problem.” I am always glad that by buying something and helping contribute to this person’s salary that I was not a problem to him or her.
the guy was just trying to be nice to you, can’t you just appreciate that?
you seem to be a very grouchy, cynical man, almost everything you write is negative, if this is all you have to worry about you need to be counting your blessings.
Alan,
Everything I write is negative? I have been writing as a professional writer for more than half my life. At least 97 percent has been positive. You don’t know enough about me to call me grouchy or cynical. And to conclude that “almost everything you write is negative.” . . . well, show me the evidence. I am a “half full” kinda guy.
ye’ah I lost it, I made it personal and I truly regret that so I apologize to you for that comment. I honestly was just surprised, really surprised, that this was an issue and after seeing all the other comments i am truly amazed at what offends people. I repeated what had happened on our county page (no names or anything) just to see what the response would be and 99.9 percent (might have missed one) had my reaction. may just be where i live. Again I do apologize to you, that was uncalled for on my part.
Seems to me you’re just a little bit touchy. Pal.
Where I grew up (western Pennsylvania), there is an expression, i.e. ” Call me anything but late to dinner.” People were expected to be polite in formal situations, or toward an authority figure(teacher, police officer, supervisor, etc.), but in the day-to day exchanges with others, all the formalities were usually absent. It was a place where taking offense was often thought to be just as “offensive” as giving it.
While you’re at it, don’t call me sweetie, or honey or sugar, babe, girlie, girl, or any other similar names unless you ARE my sweetie, etc. you don’t know me, I am NOT your honey, etc. it’s condescending and waayy too familiar. I hate it, I want to snarl back, I’m not a girl, I’m a woman, I’m not your honey or sugar.
You said it!
Young lady is what gets me. I am not a young lady. You, the waiter, are the young man and if you think calling me a young lady makes me feel good, you are so, so heinously incorrect. Calling me young lady is calling out my age. It’s putting a lillipop in my wrinkly hand and patting me on the head and asking me how fourth grade was today. It’s a putdown, ya dummy. I think I will young lady your tip right back into my bag.
Nora you just said it better than I could have. It’s such a put down, and makes me feel ancient and insulted. My doctor used to address me like that, and we are the same age!!! WTH!
Thanks bud or honey drives me insane.
Whoa. Take a chill pill Charlie boy (and others below). Unless somebody is trying to intentionally offend you, just smile. In time you will be older and more cranky and spend most of your days shuttling between your room and the dining room. Your hearing will be mostly gone and you won’t care what they call you…hun, dear, Nate, you old fart or even pal. You’ll just hunger for acknowledgement and a smile.