The citizens of Quartzsite will kill me for this

68

By Chuck Woodbury
ROADSIDE JOURNAL
Quartzsite, Arizona, is the RV Snowbird Capital of the World. Although only a few thousand folks live there year-round, the population can swell to 20 times that at any one time during the winter, when the weather is mild and RVer snowbirds arrive in hordes.

They camp for free on thousands of acres of government lands that surround the small, dusty town. For a little fun, ride a bike or walk through Quartzsite’s residential neighborhoods and see how many grass lawns you can find. You’ll find plenty of dirt and lots of cactus, but that’s about it.

Okay, now here’s where I will get in trouble. I am going to say something about teeth. About the teeth of the local population.

But first, a little background: There is no dentist in town. I don’t think so anyway. And for other medical care, Phoenix is probably the place to go, but it’s a two-hour drive each direction – not convenient.

But back to the subject of teeth. Without a local dentist, tooth care isn’t . . . well, it’s not good. If you doubt what I say, visit Quartzsite and pretend for an afternoon that you’re a cultural anthropologist. Or just imagine you are a person who loves to admire people’s teeth. If you have been in England, for example, you know that, as a whole, the Brits have dreadful (a popular word there) teeth. I know they have dentists, but I guess they don’t think much of them, or they don’t care much about their choppers.

I recall meeting a man in London once who noted just by looking at me that I was American. “How did you know I was an American?” I asked. “Easy,” he said. “You have nice teeth.”

BUT BACK TO QUARTZSITE. The Brits’ teeth look absolutely stunning compared to the Quartzsite crowd. I don’t have any actual stats, but I’d say the average Quartzsiter has about a third of his or her natural teeth. A full set of choppers, with a few exceptions, is as rare as a pine forest.

The tooth situation is so bad that I’m told the most successful pickup line in the Quartzsite Yacht Club, which is the happening place in town (where Bud Lite is King) goes like this:

A guy walks up a woman that he wants to get to know, looks her straight in the eye, and instead of saying “Nice eyes,” or “nice hair,” or maybe, “What’s a nice girl like you doing in here?” he simply says. . .

“Nice tooth!”

And she beams with pleasure at the recognition of her last remaining tooth. And the two end up partying the night away as the coyotes howl in the distance!

Subscribe
Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

68 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Patti Lounsbury
6 months ago

Oh my, this article isn’t what I expected here. Maybe it should have gone into your blog if you really felt a need to publish it. Kinda sad.

Admin
RV Staff (@rvstaff)
6 months ago

Sorry you’re disappointed in the article, Patti. It was posted in Chuck’s Roadside Journal, where he clearly states: “about whatever is on my mind, not necessarily RV-related” – and he definitely covers a wide variety of topics in his Roadside Journal. —Diane at RVtravel.com

Tammy
6 months ago

Wow, I’m a long time reader and was just considering becoming a paid subscriber but this just shut my interest down completely. I will remove my subscription to your “newsletters” immediately.
You have some serious issues to deal with and I wish you well.

D H Schlagel
6 months ago

I am a vendor at the Kansas State fair. I’ve noticed the same there not sure what the problem is?

Mary R
6 months ago

Dental care in Great Britain is not covered by their National Health Service and folks just won’t/can’t pay for it.

Bob Palin
6 months ago
Reply to  Mary R

That is not true at all, it is part of the NHS.

Tom Edelman
7 months ago

LOFL

Brad
7 months ago

That was kinda stupid on account if the whole town gets together they have a full set of teeth between them.

Carl
7 months ago

I live in the desert, where dentists are available, but, as it seems, drugs and drink are more relevant. Not funny! Amazing how many take articles like this personal. Get over it.

Steven Pederson
7 months ago

Looks like You bit off a little more than you can chew on this one Chuck. So I guess that Quartsite is where the tooth brush was invented, any place else it would have been called a teeth brush.

Admin
RV Staff (@rvstaff)
7 months ago

Good one, Steven! 😆 —Diane at RVtravel.com

John P Macatee
8 months ago

Omg! I laughed so hard I’ve got stomach cramps! This was hilarious.

Admin
RV Staff (@rvstaff)
8 months ago
Reply to  John P Macatee

We’re glad you have a good sense of humor, John. Lots of our readers apparently don’t and didn’t appreciate Chuck’s “tongue in cheek” humor on this post. 🙄 So we appreciate your letting us know that you “got it.” Thanks! 😀 —Diane at RVtravel.com

Steve Kight
8 months ago

Most of them migrated from West Virginia years ago.

Joel and Betty Hagler
8 months ago

I would be a star in Quartzite……just had my 11th implant and crowns. I could buy a lot of gems for the cost of my teeth.

Sink Jaxon
8 months ago

WOW!!! all i can say is wow…all of the detractors here have ZERO sense of humor, the offended here have offended ME ! y’all need to go to bed tonight, and pray that your heart be softened and your mind opened to humor. If what you read is not humorous to you…move on! write your own jokes, on your own blog, on your own website! Quit destroying it for the rest of us! Pollack jokes, redneck jokes, jew jokes, black jokes, blonde jokes, asian jokes, leisure suit jokes, freckle jokes, fat jokes, skinny jokes who cares??? EVERYONE has been joked about, and will forever… JUST GET OVER IT…and get over your self righteousness.

bob weed
8 months ago
Reply to  Sink Jaxon

Sink, Humor or judgemental… Your choice… hey aren’t you Judging what some seen as offensive? Think about it.

Tommy Molnar
8 months ago
Reply to  Sink Jaxon

Best reply I’ve read so far!! Spot on SInk.

Linda
7 months ago
Reply to  Sink Jaxon

Blond jokes are the best! I am not officially blond but I claim to be “blond to the bone”.

David Hagen
8 months ago

Chuck, I can’t believe an RV’er like you didn’t know about Algodones, Mexico. A dentist in Quartszite would go broke really quick. Partly because of the lack of population in the summer but mostly because of Algodones, AKA Molar City. The dentists there are nearly 1/3 cost of US dentists and even have more modern offices and equipment that I ever saw in Phoenix.

virginia mackay
7 months ago
Reply to  David Hagen

Hi David we spent a couple winters in Quartzite enjoyed it immensely.Miss our trips there very much but because of our age and health we just cant do it anymore we are both 89 years of age now.We camped at Happy/s trailer park.Loved the people there.When we needed a dentist or glasses we just went across the border toAlgodones it was much cheaper than here in Canada

TR Kelley
8 months ago

Judgemental, rude article.

Sink Jaxon
8 months ago
Reply to  TR Kelley

Dude…lighten up! haha!

TR Kelley
8 months ago

Pretty rude article. Judge much?

Carson Axtell
8 months ago

Interesting… Even closer than Phoenix, AZ, is Algodones, Mexico, right up against the fence with Yuma, AZ, and which has dozens of dentists and doctors who cater to snowbird American tourists with their ridiculously inexpensive, but good, services. Folks can get their teeth taken care of there, or prescriptions filled, for a half to a third of what it would cost in Phoenix…

T Edwards
8 months ago

Chomping at the bit for this one. I have roughly half my “real teeth”. The rest are caps & crowns. They were half missing that way until two decades ago when 1) got a good dental plan, 2) decided to do something about it, and 3) most important discovered Gentle Dentistry. You see, Novacane doesn’t numb me. Once I was told there are different pain killers, the dentist went to town fixing up my new to me choppers. My parents had all their teeth pulled and wore dentures. Fixing teeth are expensive. I’m much more fortunate than my folks. If it weren’t for that dental plan, I’m sure I would have put my money towards a good RV and not my teeth.

bob weed
8 months ago

BWL…. Chuck, oh Chuck… Some will laugh, some will sneer. I want to believe this is NOT your finest hour. If it is, Rvtravel may be on the same road as Camping World and their demise. Come on Chuck, start writing positive articles, we can all enjoy and learn.

Carson Axtell
8 months ago
Reply to  bob weed

I suspect Chuck is happy to flirt with controversial topics these days after discovering how much traffic was generated by the ruckus stirred up by the debate over gun laws in an article of his a few months back…

bwodom
8 months ago

I am not quite sure what to say about this one, except that is could have easily (and wisely) been omitted.

Gray
8 months ago

All of which shows that poor people in the United States had best keep their mouths shut.

Leslie Berg
7 months ago
Reply to  Gray

Touche!
I have got a crap dental plan, but at least it’s something. Dental, vision, and medical care is so expensive. When I consider the massive amount of foreign aid taxpayers pay for, I think hmmmmm “guns or butter?”, and usually come to a different conclusion than our elected officials.