A semi-off-color joke with a great punchline

By Chuck Woodbury
ROADSIDE JOURNAL

I came across this joke the other day and cannot resist passing it along. If you are a fuddy-duddy and are offended by even the mildest of what could be considered “off-color” humor, then please stop reading now. For others, the joke goes like this:

A man wakes up in the hospital covered head to toe with bandages. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I’m glad to see you have regained consciousness. You probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pileup on the Interstate. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and all that. However, your “male part” was severed in the accident and could not be located.”

The man groans.

The doctor continues: “You’ve got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new ‘male part’ for you. They work great, but they don’t come cheap, roughly $1,000 an inch.”

The man perks up.

“So,” the doctor explains, “you must decide how many inches you want. I understand you’ve been married for 40 years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had nine inches before and you decide to invest in only a five-incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

A few hours later the doctor returns, “So, have you spoken with your wife?” The man says yes he has. “And has she helped you make a decision?” “Yes,” says the man.

And what is that decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite counter tops!”