By Gail Marsh
No doubt about it! The internet is great if you’re an RVer. We follow many online forums, blogs, newsletters, and social media sites for maintenance tips, campground referrals, and all kinds of information about the RV life. There’s just one problem. Civility. Why does the nicest, most helpful RVer suddenly turn rabid when posting on the internet? Perhaps we all could use a few tips for using RV internet sites with civility.
Community
One reason for joining an RV online group is community. Reading about fellow “RV road warriors” can be informative as well as encouraging. Learning about how other folks follow their RV dreams can inspire our own RV journey. The feeling that “we’re all in this together” makes unexpected trouble seem more manageable—especially when others offer good advice, words of sympathy, or even empathy, like: “That happened to us, too.” “Don’t give up.” “You’ll get through this!” “Keep movin’ on down the road.”
Rules
The rules for online engagement are blurry, at best. Yes, there’s usually a moderator who silences profanity or illegal activity. Other than that, participating online is pretty much a Wild, Wild West, take no prisoners, toughen up or shut up proposition. I’m all for the free exchange of ideas and opinions. I just wish these could be expressed with more grace.
Words
As a writer, I know that words can either be your friend or foe. Words alone—even carefully crafted words—often do not clearly convey actual feelings or the intended meaning. The tone of voice, facial expression, and body language matter. These crucial elements for communication are impossible to see when the iPad, computer, or cell phone screen is limited to simple words.
For example, someone answered a recent forum question with, “We’ve had this same question over and over again! Look it up! I’m sure you’ve heard of Google!”
The problem
Knowing that words alone are limited when communicating online should make all of us more mindful of the words we choose. Sadly, that’s not usually the case. How do I know? Because I’m seeing more and more posts like this:
“Please be kind. I’m new at this.”
“Excuse me, please, if this has been asked in the past…”
“I don’t ask questions on this post anymore because I’m tired of being shamed. Excuse me for not knowing! I’m new at this!”
So much for community, huh?
What to do?
First, if a question or comment gets you riled up, think before you post. Remember: You are not required to give voice to your opinion. You’re free to move along. (And take that snark with you, please.)
Second, if you have a helpful reply, state it objectively. No need to question the motive or IQ of the one posing the query.
Lastly, remember that you, too, were once a “newbie.” You had questions, too. Put yourself in the other RVer’s shoes before you feel inclined to judge. Use grace. Civility.
Hope for us all
The following post sums up what I’ve been trying to say. Take a look and consider the advice, as well.
This forum is an exchange of ideas, questions, thoughts, and so forth. What good would this platform be if we said, “Look it up first. If there is no answer, then ask.” Good Lord, there would be no communication for weeks or even months!
When we started our RV journey several years ago, I asked the dreaded question: diesel or gas? People were nice enough to respond even though it has been asked in every way possible for probably the last 20 years. My point is, most of us are an inviting group and don’t mind the repeated questions. We simply smile, understand the person asking is very new, and try to help as much as possible.
Amen!
Comments? Please sound off below—kindly, of course.
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Well said!!!
The only stupid question is the not asked one. A statement I frequently make at our local plumbing apprentice school.
About “don’t ask here, use Google” – we all know how reliable the information on Google can be. The reason we ask here is that our chances of getting good advice are a lot higher.
And, unfortunately, the search engine on RVTravel isn’t the greatest, so it isn’t always easy to find a previous article that answered my question. Being in the software industry myself, I am very aware that getting this stuff properly indexed is not a trivial job!
Agreed. Once upon a time it was popular to say ‘just google it’, but, google search has seriously deteriorated, it has been altered to give results trying to sell you something related to the keywords. User forums are very often the place to find the real information. We should offer what help we can, it can help countless people, now and years down the line. Give answers you wouldn’t be embarrassed for your mom to hear coming out of your mouth.
“google it” is a generic term. There are other search engines. I use DDG. There are plenty more that aren’t as biased as Google.
Thanks, but they have all been downgraded, and many are simply front ends for google.
I wish more statements like yours “appeared” in social media areas…it’s sure needed. It’s so sad how degraded our society has gotten now that they can “hide” behind a computer. People say so many mean things that were maybe thought, but not said out loud before – now they think because they are not looking the person in the face, they can say them and get away with it. Cheap, snark comments are easy, kindness takes character.
Good points. Thank you, Marie! Have a great day. 😀 –Diane at RVtravel.com
All this is true, but you’ll have to admit many of the asked questions can be answered by opening the owners manual. I know that seems to be a strange occurrence, and my father was guilty of this. He traded his perfectly good vehicle in every 2 years because he though the warranty was expiring at the end of 2 years. He had never opened the owners manual and read the bumper to bumper warranty was for 3 years or 36K miles and the power train was warranted for 5 years or 60K miles. So some questions are not necessary if a person can read.
RE Forum butt heads. So many times I read a question from a newbie with snarky responses to a genuine question. There is no reason for these nasty or smart a** comments. Perhaps it’s due to the lack of confidence and civility in the responders DNA!
I just read Gails article and fully agree, but I am one that if I find or see something I don’t know about I will ask the question. (Only dumb if you don’t ask, it’s a little hard to look something up if you don’t know what it is). There are times when I get frustrated with the questions asked because people will not read before asking the same question that someone else just asked.
Bravo Gail-
I too have read ‘broken record’ questions on this and other forums. After all, how many ways can you answer this issue? And yet, many times I find nuances I haven’t previously seen or considered.And when the answers are also a broken record, but at least to me, correct. I often just move along.
My point being, if I wasn’t still frequently learning something new, I wouldn’t be writing this. Life is too short to participate in pointless arguments.
That is why I use the Jayco Owners Forum. Its Moderators keep the focus on the RV life and impose civility! I honestly have never seen a better group of volenteers.
Maybe, newbies ask the same questions to try to connect to someone, anyone, because they are new.
I like helping my fellow rv’ers. For some it would help a lot if the problem was explained more clearly so it doesn’t take 3 or 4 more posts to figure it out. Using punctuation and proper spelling helps too and gives responders a feeling that the question is more legitimate- and that the person asking it shows some pride. Sorry if this offends some but I think there is baseline.
Nasty people are everywhere, including forums. Whether they’re raging on the road with their middle finger in the air because you can’t do 80 mph in the slow lane or letting their dogs pee on water spigots in the RV park, they come with life.
I also think debate is healthy else forums become useless echo chambers of affirmation instead of resources of information. Debate can sometimes get testy or passionate but discussion is the primary purpose of forums.
I think the key is civility. If you don’t want to answer, don’t reply. If you do want to answer, answer with information, not insults.
I agree with and like all of your points, Vince. Thank you! Have a great day. 😀 –Diane at RVtravel.com
I had a Forest River trailer and joined the FB owners group. The trailer was a lemon with constant issues. Anytime I posted a question, 90% of the responses were “We’ve had our trailer for two years and never had an issue!” or “Why didn’t you catch this problem during the walk through?” Not in anyway helpful. I quit the group. I now belong to a Grand Design owners group for my specific model and the people are awesome! Never an unkind word and always generous with knowledge and advice. We have actually scheduled a rally for next year for our FB group and I can’t wait to meet these wonderful people.
Thank you, Gail. Will do. 🙂
Anonymity is the reason people turn rabid online. They never have to face the person they are being nasty to. It occurs on forums of all interests. I belong to forums spreading across a large spectrum of interests. There are so many people that “hide” behind their keyboards because they are not accountable for their words or actions anymore. It is one of the many downsides of social media. People have lost the art of respectful communication.
Gail: Thanks for posting and hopefully getting some positive results. As you noted, a problem with negative comments or any comment for that matter – is you don’t have the facial or body language and the voice inflections like face to face conversation. It is another problem with the AI scripters! (Is that a word?). Maybe your learned article will stop some of the negative comments.
Am I the only one that had a teacher or two state; “Go ahead and ask, there are no stupid questions.” Our parents, Aunts and Uncles put up with a whole lot of “stupid” questions when we were growing up, but they knew they were educating our young minds to be able to function in society. Not all persons had the fortune of having our parents, therefore some questions did not get answered for them. I was fortunate enough to know a lot about camping, trailering, etc. before I could even drive. Not so for a lot of people. They are asking “stupid” questions a lot later than I did, through no fault of their own. I’m still learning, therefore a lot of “stupid” questions to come from me.
We have relied upon the written word, going back to hieroglyphs. And now we have become so advanced that we can no longer rely upon what we read? Is this what “advanced” and “progress” mean? Again, I was born 100 years too late.
Well written article and I hope you re-post it periodically throughout the year as gentle reminders for us all. As far as repeated questions from newbies; sometimes the answers can change over time as there could be new innovation and technology that can change the answers over time. Also, when I was a newbie to RVing, I was also a newbie to social media platforms and had challenges learning how and where to get information, so I can relate to the challenges in internet navigation to get to the valid information. Everyone has a learning curve.
Gail Marsh, great article and I hope you make a point of re-running it regularly. “… Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language, who first broke down the components of a face-to-face conversation. He found that communication is 55% nonverbal, 38% vocal, and 7% words only.” Taken from How Much of Communication Is Nonverbal? | UT Permian Basin Online (utpb.edu)
And for those RTM people, my owner’s manual is the most generic accumulation of information I could possibly imagine. As such, it is usually the first but seldom the last place I go for information.
I’ve only submitted and had one article published and rarely comment mainly to keep the chatter to a minimum, but very well said Gail. I realize my wife and I would still be considered newbies at 4 years part-timing, but I have found this newsletter invaluable. Do I see articles repeated, sure. But there are at least four civil ways to deal with it. Maybe it’s someone’s first time reading it, instruction repetition can help someone solidify a necessary procedure in their mind, we can forward it to a relative or friend, or like you said, just move along. In this unfortunate age of “Cancel Culture”, we all need to lighten up (Ephesians 4:29-32).