Don’t be a statistic. Stay alive and unhurt when visiting the parks

A highly popular social media site, TouronsOfYellowstone, brings home the antics of “stupid” Yellowstone National Park visitors. Scores of film clips show human beings showing far less sense than “dumb animals.” How many times do visitors need to be reminded that bison don’t want to be ridden, bears fiercely guard their cubs, and moose on the loose are dangerous? Want to stay alive and unhurt while visiting the parks? Stick around—we have a few tips.

Yellowstone—a “hot spot” for criminal activity

You might wonder just how that social media site got its name. It’s just a contraction. And an appropriate one at that. Tourist-Morons. That Yellowstone is perhaps one of the parks with the highest population of stupid-human tricks was brought to recent light by the accused antics of film star Pierce Brosnan. We wrote about the former 007-star not long ago. While in the area on a film shoot, the actor toured Yellowstone. During that visit, he allegedly left the prescribed boardwalk near a hot water feature, and took off afoot in violation of park rules. A few days ago he pled not guilty to two charges.

That Yellowstone is indeed perhaps “the hotspot” for criminal activity among the nation’s parks is this little factoid. The park has its own courthouse, complete with four “temporary holding cells.” A U.S. Magistrate Judge has a job there, dealing with about 1,000 misdemeanor cases that come in from the 5,000 citations issued by park police each season.

Aside from paying fines, maybe even spending a little time behind bars, there’s an even better reason for observing park rules. Doing so will help you stay alive and unhurt. And while Yellowstone National Park does get the lion’s share of attention, you can get hurt—or worse—at any park, or out-of-door environment.

Stay alive and unhurt. Don’t have too much “critter affinity”

Many of the videos posted on the “Tourons” site feature human/critter interactions. Maybe it’s because we as humans just feel such affinity for those fuzzy creatures. But those glowing, warm, and fuzzy feelings will quickly disappear from anyone who’s ended up on the sharp point of a bison horn, an elk antler, or a bear’s claw. It should be simple enough to understand. These creatures, while they may wander (or lumber) along, can develop a great deal of speed at any time.

 

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The first principle to help you stay alive and unhurt is this: Give them PLENTY of room. The National Park Service reminds visitors, “The best way to stay safe when watching wildlife is to give animals room to move. Many parks require you to stay a minimum distance of 25 yards from most wildlife and 100 yards from predators like bears and wolves.” Some parks have different distance requirements—check before you go.

Some of the stupidest-seeming behavior shown by “Tourons”? Taking a selfie with the wildlife. Says the Park Service, “In general, if animals react to your presence, you are too close. If you’re close enough for a selfie, you’re definitely too close.” That’s why binoculars and telephoto lenses were invented. Stay back far enough so your “presence” isn’t disturbing. If you do that, it’s pretty unlikely that you’ll be close enough to need stitches from a wildlife encounter.

“Let’s pet the buffalo” statistics

Just what’s the likelihood of becoming a human pincushion in a national park? For a grizzly attack, if you remain in developed areas, roadsides, and boardwalks: 1 in 59.5 million visits. For RVers, your chances of being attacked by a grizzly while camping in a “roadside” camp are 1 in 26.6 million overnight stays.

 

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What about statistics for other critters? Between 1978 and 1992, nearly four visitors to Yellowstone National Park were injured by bison each year, and 0.1 people per year passed away due to injuries. That means 56 injuries and two deaths within 14 years. We suspect that bison injuries are far more common for the “let’s pet the buffalo” set than any who suffer a random encounter. However, we can tell you this: Yellowstone visitors are far more likely to face death or injury from another type of encounter. Here’s a hint: Follow the rules and you’re more likely to stay out of hot water.

Getting into hot water more likely harmful

That’s right, the hot water features found at Yellowstone are far more likely to cause human harm than an animal encounter. Dating back to 1872, two people have been killed as a result of bison encounters and eight from bear encounters. During the same time period, deaths related to hot springs are more than double those from bears and bison combined. 22 people have lost their lives due to scalding. Hundreds have been injured. The charges against Actor Brosnan were related to his alleged departure from a boardwalk along a hot spring.

It’s tricky enough to watch your step on a boardwalk or trail near a hot water feature. To keep you safe, Yellowstone’s rules oblige visitors to stay ON FOOT. Why the emphasis? Too many supposedly intelligent visitors ignore that rule and take to bicycles and other wheeled conveyances on these boardwalks. Heaven forbid, we’ve yet to hear of somebody on a unicycle, but give it time.

But hot water features aren’t the only “death and destruction” that can be mitigated by observing park rules. Travel on down to Arizona and take a trip to the Grand Canyon National Park. Here the most likely wildlife encounter you’ll have is with a fat squirrel or croaking raven. But there’s still plenty to look out for.

Fall in love with the Grand Canyon—not into it

You can fall in love with the Grand Canyon—or you can fall to your death there. While the greatest number of “fall deaths” can be attributed to major air flight accidents over the canyon, falls from the edge itself are right up there at the number two cause of death.

So, how many people have died setting up a “selfie-shot” and then taking a misstep? That’s impossible to say, but hard statistics show that death by falling is significant. Records show 60 people have fallen off the canyon ledge. Another 63 have fallen from inside the canyon. These are the “accidental” fall category. Sadly, some 75 people have apparently jumped or fallen in an attempt to commit suicide. However, as recently July of 2020, a 59-year-old woman from Arizona fell from the rim west of Mather Point. She fell 100 feet below while hiking off-trail and taking pictures with her family. She accidentally stepped off the ledge. It can happen.

Interestingly, for those younger men who want to stay alive and unhurt, listen up. You are in the biggest demographic group for accidental Grand Canyon falls. Of the 55 people who have accidentally fallen from the rim, 39 were male. Eight of those people were hopping from one rock to another, or posing for pictures. That included the sad case of the 38-year-old father from Texas. To give his daughter a good scare, he pretended to fall. Then he actually did fall, 400 feet to his death. Could it be the “invincibility” of young men?

Another “hot” water problem

It’s not without purpose that park officials post signs and put up “people barriers” to keep visitors back away from dangerous precipices. Those same park officials are the ones who post signs and hand out reminders about another, nearly-as-large of a danger faced at Grand Canyon. Not critters, not steep cliffs, but weather. Nearly 100 people have died at the park from dehydration, and scores more have been taken ill.

You don’t have to visit Yellowstone or Grand Canyon National parks to get into trouble. “Time and unexpected events overtake them all,” wrote the wise man. But those who want to stay alive and unhurt can improve their chances. Use common sense. Follow the rules. Take your selfies away from the edge of the cliff—and away from the elk.

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