Friday, December 9, 2022


Hubby annoyed with wife’s “considerate” driving style


Dear RV Shrink:rvshrink
My husband and I share the driving time while traveling in our motorhome. We also pull a toad. We have different driving methods and mine seems to annoy my husband. When he’s driving, I don’t say a word. When I’m driving, I am always getting his unwanted advice. He drives fast; I drive slower. It makes him nuts when I pull over and let other vehicles pass.

We usually drive the blue highways that are commonly two lanes. I don’t like to hold people up. I do the speed limit and he says I shouldn’t worry about those behind me anxious to break the law by wanting to pass.

Do you think I am encouraging people to live dangerously? I feel much more relaxed driving when I don’t have a parade of vehicles following me, antsy to get around. —Pace car driver in Davenport

Dear Pace:
You are not a traffic cop. You cannot control how the rest of the world around you will drive. If it makes you feel better to pull off in a safe spot and ease congestion behind you, I would consider that a polite gesture. Don’t accept your husband’s guilt trip for driving defensively. Letting faster traffic build up behind you, even though you’re going the speed limit, will only encourage some to take a chance to rocket by. This will involve you in their gamble to make a successful passage.

What you do not want to do is feel pressured to pull off on some poor road surface that could cause you to lose control, damage tires or force you to make a full stop. Slowing while in the occasional passing lane often helps. Pulling over in small towns, historical markers and rest areas also can help if you find a large following behind you waiting for the green flag.

Tell your husband if he can’t sit up front, relax and let you drive, he’ll have to go to his room. —Keep Smilin’, Richard Mallery a.k.a. Dr. R.V. Shrink

Can’t get enough of the Shrink? Read his e-book: Dr. R.V. Shrink: Everything you ever wanted to know about the RV Lifestyle but were afraid to ask or check out his other e-books.



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Paul S Goldberg
2 years ago

When we started RVing many years ago and my wife took the wheel I worked very hard to keep my mouth shut and eyes on the road. As time has passed I often take time during her “shift” to take a nap sitting in the navigator seat. Our driving styles are different. She is more likely to pull over for disciples (our name for tailgaters – they are praying for us to pull over) than I, but neither of us drives more than 62 mph and I too will take any paved turnout if there is traffic. I hate it when they are up hill.

4 years ago

A driver is supposed to be focused on the road, and remain calm and watchful. Your husband’s “back seat driving” isn’t letting you do this. I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but I suspect he’s always been a control freak. The fact that he is stressing out the driver is not only inconsiderate, it’s downright dangerous. Either you tell him to zip-it when you’re driving (and you continue to drive slow and pull off the road when you want), or you resign yourself to always sit in the passenger seat. I have the same husband, and this is my solution.

4 years ago

Your husband would be violating the law in many states. Drivers like him that refuse to pull over give all RV drivers a black eye

4 years ago

@ DMason When I get a moron (still being polite) riding my back bumper, I gradually slow down so, if I have to make a sudden stop, the moron will be less likely to remodel my back bumper. etc. Eventually, I find a place where I can move over so the moron can go have his accident elsewhere. I usually get flipped off for doing that but I just grin back since I feel he’s just saying I’m number 1.

I did have one especially stupid one try to brake check me several times after passing me which didn’t have any effect since I always maintain plenty of space in front of me.

4 years ago

@ Lorane Signage isn’t the answer. People are either sign blind from having been overwhelmed by too many of them or they think the signs do not apply to them. AZ posts clearly worded signs and it doesn’t help.

4 years ago

In our state, a vehicle holding up traffic is to pull over at signed pullouts . It’s inconsiderate (and illegal in some places) of motor homes, 5th wheels, trailer, etc. drivers not to pull over when safe, pull-outs are available. If one has their vehicle under control, it is possible to pull over at turn-outs. Having been stuck behind a slow moving vehicle where turnouts are available numerous times, it’s frustrating. There must be one in every crowd (highway). Perhaps some drivers aren’t aware of the law and/or are plain inconsiderate. With summer coming, it’s only going to get worse. .Some states post the rules clearly; others don’t; more signage might help.

4 years ago

Being one of the “slow” drivers, sticking to the speed limit (or less if conditions warrant) I know I frustrate some other drivers when I pass by a perfectly good pullout. It’s not that I don’t want to let them get on down the road; it’s that I can’t see it’s good until it’s too late to safely pull in. Or, sometimes, it’s because the jerk behind me is so close I don’t dare slow down to pull over.

I try, but I need your cooperation. We;re on the road together.

4 years ago

Gotta agree with other comments — Hubby is being a dangerous jerk by proxy. Granted the idiot roaring around you is the immediate danger if he passes too fast/too tight/at a bad time, but hubby holding him back when it IS safe to let Idiot pass encourages Idiot to pick those worse times and then drive more erratically — and when he wipes out the opposing traffic, guess who can’t stop as fast or go off-road as successfully as other traffic? MUCH better to let Idiot pass when it is safe.

I consciously look for good times to BE passed and “help” traffic behind me by flasher-signalling/shouldering/etc… Just be careful, as Shrink said, that you don’t put yourself into a dangerous situation while helping them pass.

4 years ago

Right on Jeannie. When you really let loose, Ey bet you would embarrass the proverbial sailor.
Ey usually drive slower than the speed limit in my Fox on a F350 especially in national parks, monuments, and forests. Too many folks drive as if they are late for work as they zoom from one attraction to another. However, Ey usually pull over at every safe pullout. My peeve (polite term) are the folks that sneak right up on my tail. Ey am looking for a bumper sticker that reads “Yes I can drive any F’ in slower.”
Burn Diesel and use paper plates—The one with the biggest carbon footprint WINS.
The Loneoutdoorsman

4 years ago

@ Pace car driver in Davenport Thank you for being a considerate, safe, law abiding RV driver. I also drive the speed limit unless road conditions and the vehicle I’m driving dictate a lower speed would safer. Even when driving the speed limit, I will pull over when safe to allow any traffic built up behind me to pass.

Your husband, on the other hand, is an inconsiderate (polite term) menace and should have his driver’s license revoked! A large motorhome barreling down a road at higher speeds than the speed limit is a serious accident waiting to happen. In fact, even the speed limit can be too fast for a large, high profile vehicle.

What really burns my hide is your selfish (again, I’m being polite) husband’s distain for you doing the proper thing by pulling over and letting built up traffic behind you pass. There are many beautiful roads in AZ where I live and in neighboring States with few places to safely pass I avoid driving like the plague because every time I’ve been on them, there is at least one north end of a south bound horse in a large Class A poking along well below the speed limit, backing up a huge line of vehicles even when numerous pullouts provided for them to safely pull over to allow piled up traffic to pass that they refuse to use. In fact, in AZ, slower traffic is required by law to use those pullouts yet I rarely see them used..

Selfish people like your husband are one reason why RVers are so hated by non-RVers.