By Gail Marsh
Ever since RVtravel.com ran this article offering tips for making friends while traveling solo, a reader’s comment has given me pause. Do RVers have a double standard? Is it fair?
A comment about solo RVing stereotypes
Ron N. commented, “Being a 77-year-old divorced man, I travel with my 90 lb. yellow Lab, Charlie. I’m a member of a couple of fiberglass trailer groups and attend their gatherings from year to year. I’m very aware of the couples’ picnic table gatherings. Husband and wife couples typically don’t invite single men to join them for dinner or conversation at their site. Single women are more likely to be invited to join a married couple. You are more likely to see two couples enjoying each other’s company. Talk about feeling left out!”
Double standard
So, there it is. If Ron’s comment rings true, it certainly sounds like a double standard. Is it? Is it fair?
Solo female RVers
In today’s world, a solo female RVer is likely viewed as brave and adventurous. She is often admired for setting out on her own to see the country via her RV. Other campers may be impressed at how quickly and efficiently she sets up camp, cares for her rig, and gets a campfire going. Generally speaking, a solo female RVer seems approachable and safe—someone you may invite to your campground site for a chat or a picnic.
Solo male RVers
Also in today’s world (according to Ron), a solo male RVer is likely to be treated differently from solo female RVers. Reread Ron’s comment. In sharp contrast to the female solo traveler, a solo male is often regarded as potentially suspicious. In Ron’s view, solo male RVers are less likely to be invited to join another couple’s picnic. Why? Aren’t single males just as adventurous and brave to take on the RV life as a single female? He may exhibit the same adept skills when caring for his rig as his female counterpart, but do we admire him in the same way? Do we regard a single male RVer as approachable?
Other comments
Ron’s comment struck a nerve with other readers who agreed with his point of view.
Mimi responded, “Ron, you are right, and it definitely would make one feel left out.” Mimi went on to offer suggestions for connecting with other RVing singles.
Wanderer also chimed in: “It is unfair… If all else fails, invite a couple or two over to your site. Grill or cook, hint that they could bring a side dish. Or ask them to drop by your fire in the evening to share a pitcher of margaritas, whatever.”
##RVT1157
Solo males are suspect until proven otherwise.
Amen. I sometimes camp with a relative. ONLY a relative. I do not sleep with relatives. Yet the eyebrows are always up! On one hand the ignorance is amusing. On the other hand it’s frustrating as all get out.
Well we all know how that goes in the judiciary just saying.
Boy, very harsh in my opinion.
“Solo males are suspect until proven otherwise” Unless, if they are at a hardware store, maybe?
👍 yep!
I am a 77 year-old widower, traveling with my Yorkie-Poo. While I can understand Ron’s (and others) need for social interaction and acceptance like Ron, I am fortunate to have many friends in the RV world and at my destinations, with whom I connect along the journey. I approach my RV trips as “missions” with a purpose, mostly for my photography. The unplanned moments when other RV-ers connect socially I consider a bonus.
Life is full of misconceptions like these.
I think Ron is absolutely bang on. As a senior man camping alone and an empath and introvert, I feel that other campers raise their eyebrow with that “he a child molester” or “he’s gay” or “he can’t find a mate” attitude when the simple truth is, aside from being painfully introverted, I’m no different than anybody else. For me, I think that whole conundrum is somewhat easier because I’m glad to be shunned. LOL As an introvert, I’d rather just be left alone anyway although I am far from anti-social. I camp to enjoy the peace and quiet and quality time with my boys (the four legged kind). It’s a shame people stereotype and judge but I choose to enjoy the time anyway.
I have to disagree with your “he a child molester” or “he’s gay” or he can’t find a mate” statement. Can you spot a child molester, how? If person is “gay” heck, they’ll bring hors d’oeuvres and if solo, beer or wine, lol!
I have no idea what those folks are thinking, Gil, but that’s how they’ll make ME feel camping solo sometimes, if I let them. While I understand the thrust of the article, I particularly enjoy camping alone so things can only bother us if we let it. I chuckled at your sense of humor about bringing food. 🙂
I’ve engaged solo RV (male and female) neighbors in conversation and judged them by that conversation. I am an introvert married male who forces himself to know something about his neighbors. But in my observations, the post is correct. Females in particular tend not to approach a solo male unless introduced, whereas both genders will approach a solo female.
BTW, the last male was a burly biker looking guy. He rode with a bike gang committed to financially supporting the adoption of abused children. Nicest guy you would want to meet. He was a mostly-retired pit-crew chief-mechanic; lost his wife and had a daughter & grand-daughter living nearby.
This is a great example that you can’t judge a book by its cover. I like the idea of engaging your neighbor in conversation before making a decision about whether to include them in activities.
In my experience, Ron is quite correct. I travel solo and have been doing so full-time for 6 years. For the most part, couples do not engage with me. I’m 78 years old and quite harmless! There are receptions of course and I made some good friends on the road who are couples. Where I stay in Florida for the winter for 3 months, most of the folks I hang out with and do activities with are single.
Jeez, it’s comments like these that make me glad I do my own thing and just stay the hell away from people! Have no desire to know my neighbors and prefer they stay away from my area.
Bif, A little harsh isn’t it? I like to at least wave if I walk by someone’s site, or maybe even a greeting of some sort.
I’m a solo woman traveler, and have heard this from many solo men. Perhaps it’s up to us solo folks to help one another, so, when I see a solo man or woman, I make a point to say hi and chat…usually keeping it about their camper, the campground, etc. until I’m more comfortable. I’m a good judge of character; if I’m comfortable, I might invite the person for coffee, beer, conversation. Some great friends have been met this way.
I also belong to LoWs (Loners on Wheels), a nationwide organization of single folks who enjoy camping. Being a member allows one to join any of the dozens of chapters’ campouts, make friends, and not always be alone.
This may be a microcosm of the general state of society or societal misconceptions, in general. Is Prejudging simply prudence or is it paranoia? I think you are spot on and obviously in charge of your individual perceptions, balancing prudence and caution with your desire for social interaction.
Regretfully, I anticipate being a solo RVer someday, which I desperately fear. I do understand that sideways glances may periodically be offered. I shall endeavor to be as thoughtful with a balanced approach as you seem to be.
Safe Journey!
I’m a 69 yo widower. I enjoy being with couples and others with whom a relationship was already in place. But meeting new people, and maintaining a relationship beyond ‘today’ is very tough. Not sure why, could be me! It seems singles find it harder to make new friends at home and on the road.
Thank you, Gail! 🙂 Hmm, … I’m not in that position, so I don’t know how it feels or how to fix it. I think that at rallies it likely would be less true because there is opportunity to get to know others (including men traveling alone) in a “safe” context — e.g., seminars, meals, wandering the exhibits. But a campground does not offer as many of those opportunities. Interesting question, Gail, but I haven’t an answer, only cogitations. 🤔 Thanks again and safe travels! 🙂
This article is why I read RVTravel. The real life experiences of actual RVers. These opinions and experiences allow us to be better equipped emotionally for things we may encounter within our RV tribe as we traverse our continent. Added compassion for our fellow traveler and help to be individually prepared for what we may encounter at different stages of our lifestyle/hobby based on the real world experiences of others.
Wow, I am totally shocked by this and it never crossed my mind not to invite someone because they are single. What a shame. I have personally invited single RVers whether they are guys or gals over for campfires and happy hours. We all have one thing in common, we enjoy camping and the RV lifestyle. Maybe people need to put themselves in a single person‘s place on how they would feel not being invited?
I, solo female RV’er for 8+ years, am not very social at all. I will greet folks with whom I cross paths while walking my dogs and, if they instigate a conversation – usually about the dogs! – will participate. I also chat with people I encounter in the laundromat. But I don’t do social activities and have not been invited to others’ sites; I prefer that.
I would say, instead of solo’s who wish to have more social interaction, don’t wait to be invited, do your own inviting! To reduce the possible concerns others may have, meet up at a common area in the park such as clubhouse.
I am an introvert so prefer being alone but I’m friendly and far from antisocial. I occasionally surprise myself accepting invites and always show up with something like a nice cheese tray with fruit or s’more kits if they mention roasting marshmallows. I’m 65 and disabled (still mobile) so have some issues with hookup but never ask for help. Yet, I’ve had a woman say “now, my husband isn’t for hire” when I did show up. It was awkward, husband looked embarrassed and made it even harder to accept an invite to a camp fire. I just smiled and said I do just fine. Didn’t stay long after that and avoided more contact.
In my experience as a single female, couples stay with couples and are not likely to invite any singles in.
We reach out and invite couples and singles, no matter whether male or female. My husband usually strikes up the conversation with the guys, and me with the ladies. We have made great friends with couples and singles!
I am a 68 yrs old widowed female that travels alone with my dog. I find the opposite, I often see the single men socialize and they get included, but as a single female I feel there is a stigma, often watching the world whirl around us without inclusion.
Solo, 57 yo female traveler for 13 years. I can relate to what Ron said, but it happens to single women, too – not just men. Couples tend to socialize with couples, singles with singles.
The last couple RV parks I stayed at, the couples next door either completely ignored my “Hello”s or only responded when cornered. The men are far more likely to respond with a hello; the women almost never do, going so far as to completely ignore me when we’re standing a few feet from each other.
Drunk single men seem to have no problem with showing up on my doorstep unannounced, trying to ask out a complete stranger. Drunk strangers at my door make me wary.
I never thought life was fair. I don’t see many men camping alone, but I’d talk to them. Only once, an older couple asked me and my dog to join them at their campfire. I don’t like to intrude most times.