By Nanci Dixon
Back in 2021, I wrote an article about using a tape measure as a metaphor for measuring my life. It examines how much time I have spent living and the statistics about how much time is left. Using the Social Security Life Expectancy chart, it looks like I have 16.9 years left. That is pretty sobering.
I am always first to wake up in the morning and I use the first peaceful hours to myself. First, I catch up on the RVtravel.com newsletters, then I read the news of the day, go through other emails, read the NY Times COVID deaths (I’m still on that email list from 2020) and check out houses for sale in our area. I look at price reductions, how much they are downwardly spiraling in cost, and remodeling ideas.
What do I want for the next 16.9 years?
That is NOT a lot of time. What matters
the most during that time?
This morning after re-reading my tape measure article, looking up housing costs, COVID and even world news falls away. My interest fades and the question tugs at me: What do I want for the next 16.9 years? That is NOT a lot of time. What matters the most during that time?
What do I want to do? Also, what do I want to see? Where should I go in the increasingly little time we have left? My father’s death, who was invincible and defied dying until 98, brought home to me the reality of my death too. But the 16.9 years in the Social Security chart brought clarity. My husband’s estimated 15 years also brought a bit of reality shock.
I have been on a quest to go to every national park, historic monument and battlefield. But how much can we really do while health and money hold out? And does it matter? What does matter?
I don’t feel that old or so close to the end. Again, it’s pretty sobering.
The next 16.9 years’ resolutions
So it seems like I need to make some really important resolutions, not the fading-by-February New Year’s ones. Life ones.
Stay healthy
1. Stay healthy so that I can still follow my dreams, even if they change. Eat better and exercise (yuck). Continue to go to the doctor and get those dreaded colonoscopies. Stay on top of checking possible skin cancer bumps. Can I plan to die of a heart attack in my sleep?
Get affairs in order
2. Get new wills, powers of attorney, and health care directives. Get our affairs in order. It is a simple step that can save our children countless hours of aggravation. My dad did that for us and it was still a monumental task.
Be kinder, less selfish
3. Be kinder and not so selfish. Let my husband enjoy his statistical last 15 years in a part-time stick-and-bricks house without complaining. Have gratitude.
Let our children live their lives
4. Help our kids settle in their lives the best we can. Let go and be less directive and less critical. Let them live their lives and make their own successes and mistakes. We have one son with serious medical issues that will always need some help, but I don’t need to rush in to help. Step up only when needed.
Connect with family and friends
5. Connect with family and friends more. Let the past go, and drop the grudges and anger. The past is just past and family is precious. I recently read an article in the Washington Post about a study that followed a diverse group of people from youngsters to octogenarians. The one defining indicator of happiness in their later years was their connection to family and friends. That connection overrode financial, education, background, health and life experiences.
Be intentional
6. Stop the filler. Be razor-sharp and intentional about what gives joy and what is just a time filler. Do I really want to fill my time with the evening news or another episode of “CSI Los Angeles”?
Core values
7. I wish I could put down “volunteer more,” but I am not a very ardent volunteer. But, I can put my money, however small, where my mouth is and support those things that support my core values.
Plan now
8. I will always want to travel. I will always want to RV and explore. So I should plan now where and how to make that happen. Downsize RV? Go less distance and stay longer? Is camp hosting still worth our limited time?
Review bucket list
9. Review the “bucket list.” Travel up the Eastern Seaboard in the motorhome. Explore Washington, D.C., one of the few places we have not gone. What should be removed or added to the list?
Does it matter?
10. Ask the question, “Does it matter?” In the whole scheme of things, in the shortness of life, do petty irritations really matter? RVtravel.com recently ran a poll about leaving dishes in the sink overnight. I just can’t stand dirty dishes in the sink at night and will be falling over dead-tired getting them washed! But does it really matter?
Remember
Remember that each day is not promised. Each sight is memorable, each day is worth it and time on earth is so fleeting. I will be grateful.
##RVT1090
Poignant? Yes. Sobering? Also, yes. Thanks for the reminder that one never knows, and we should always make the most of it. Keeping this.
Thank you Nanci for your very thoughtful article. I share your husband’s 15ish years left and my dad also died at 98. Every day is truly a gift! I loved all that you said and I’d like to expand on the importance of volunteering, which I believe can be one of the most impactful gratifying ways to spend our precious time. I can’t think of anything more important than passing on our accumulated knowledge and wisdom to our next generation in ways that will accelerate their progress. We do not have the time to solve our world’s problems; it is they who must do so and we should help them in any way we can. RVers, in my experience, are resourceful, talented, and creative people who love to help. I can only imagine the impact we could have (individually or collectively) if we found creative ways to help our youth. Could this possibly be a good topic for a future article or group discussion to share ideas on volunteering?
Do not plan on being the richest person in the coffin. Way out of warranty and very few spare parts.
Truth! Always say…never saw a shroud with pockets!
Tom. The best quote I have read in a long time. 🤓
Well, the way those predictors work…live those 17 years and then check again. You’ll be given a few more years. The longer you live…the longer you’ll be predicted to live. We’re all probably beyond our “at birth” life expectancy.
So true!
Amen!
I refer to individual life expectancies in my work. It has made me aware of the potential years I have left. Then I think of my friend’s granddaughter, who is forever 13, thanks to cancer.
In contrast, my parents are both in their 80s and still RVing, though they are slowing down and not traveling as far as they used to. Being active as long as you are able, setting short term goals and definitely family time are all part of their formula. Age is just a number. Like counting the jellybeans in a jar: it’s more important to eat the jellybeans you have than how many are in there. Ok, I made that up but it seems about right.
The government determines life expectancy by sex, race, year of birth and is just an average of all those parameters in that specific group. Life expectancy has gone up for most groups thanks to modern medicine but you never know so prepare for the worst and plan for the best.
We all have potential to live well beyond that number.
Except now since Covid
Yes, leaving dirty dishes in the sink overnight matters. No rvers like ants, flies, mice & other bugs in their rv. That is one of the biggest complaints from rvers. Food smells left out overnight attract these bugs & rodents.
Thank you, Nanci! Your number made me want to know my own current number. The link you so graciously provided made it easy to discover my number. The number of friends, former colleagues, and former teammates who have died emphasizes your words. Thanks again and I hope that you get through your list speedily and are able to add to it before you become unable to accomplish more.
SS chart gives me 13 years.. looking back 13 years seems like yesterday… guess I better get cracking! Great article… put it all in perspective… like they say.. eat the cake… buy the shoes..
Profound article. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Great thoughtful article. I will add that keeping your health is not accomplished by doctor visits, but by staying active and healthy on your own. Eat healthy, get exercise that will let you keep your flexibility and mobility. If you doubt it, look at all the aging people who can barely move their legs 20 degrees, or are tied down by ruined knees.
And I’ll suggest that ticking off a list of national parks to see might not be the most meaningful use of limited time. It’s great if that’s REALLY been a goal, but don’t just get at the end of the longest line you see and be one of the crowd. Seek out places YOU want to go, and pursue YOUR interests, with the added excitement of being able to travel to events and places related to them.
Your health is 90% YOU and 10% doctor. What I constantly fear is gaining weight.. which is real easy to do at 75.
Unfortunately, since covid and especially their vaccines made the scene, life-expectancy has taken a hit in the past 2 years and is expected to take more of a hit as the full extent of myocarditis, pericarditis and other adverse reactions are fully realized. My answer to the question of what to do in the time remaining, live a healthier life. Don’t allow sound bites to rule your judgement. Discern that which is recommended by authority.
Your genes and your lifestyle have much to do with your actual lifespan – the SS estimator doesn’t mean a whole lot. When I was in high school I did a report on SS and back in the early seventies the average SS recipient only received 13 checks. In the ensuing 5 decades much has changed. People are living tremendously longer lives.
I just don’t want to be living in constant fear and anxiety for my remaining time. It killed my mother at the age I am now.
I may stop my usual 4-5 month journey south for the winter as that’s where much of my stress comes from… bad weather, breakdowns, getting injured. I’ll keep camping, but closer to home. I had a bout of high blood pressure last summer which necessitated an immediate trip to the emergency room. I don’t need that in a strange place, 40 miles from a hospital.
Sorry Chris but you didn’t have a “bout” of high BP, you have high BP. I’ve been taking meds for 2 years now (and probably 30 years too late) and checking BP twice a day, And RVing as much as I can and as far as I can go. There is always a Walmart and proper medical care nearby in America! And you are spot on about stress – it kills and is a weapon.
By bout I mean I always knew my BP was a little bit high, but that morning I woke up with a dull headache, I felt awful, and I thought my forehead was going to blow off. Probably good to have symptoms as sometimes there aren’t any.
Proper medical care nearby? Mostly true, but not in Key West, FL. They fly serious cases to Miami. And the nearest Walmart is further away than it is Cuba.
Jesus gave us instructions on how to live our lives. Helping others, loving others and growing closer to Him. Anything else is man made.
Agreed ! Love god and love others as thyself. Serving and helping others in love brings togetherness and spiritual growth.
It’s just an average of people with your year of birth, race and gender. Hopefully we all healthily outlive those numbers.
Remember that this is a figure used to determine the minimal distribution you must take after reaching a certain age (or inherit an IRA). The lower that number, the more distribution you have to take and the more taxes you have to pay. So I’d like to think the government got this one wrong too or at least I understand their motives behind their actuarial guesswork. You should never need the government to make you appreciate all around you and you should never wait till your 60’s to have such epiphanies.
Only the last 1/2 of your last sentence means anything to me.
Great article Nanci! You are my favorite author on RVtravel.
Amen
Yup.
Life can turn on a dime…and OFTEN does!
All it takes is one bad scan….and your dreams can go up in smoke.
Even if you survive- you will be forever changed.
I was.
Carpe Diem!
Thank you Nanci. We have been talking about most of these topics, but your article gives us a checklist. Perfect!
Thank you, Nanci! Your best article yet.
I always had good health, ate more or less healthy, never had any prescriptions, and have always been a DIYer. In mid-2021, I was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery, and have been on meds since. Suddenly, I was forced to realize that I was no longer 40, had plenty of time left, and could fix anything that needed fixing. I was in my late 70s, had 10.4 years left according to the actuarial tables, and was too weak and exhausted too easily to do everything I once did. Now,my life’s goal is to see the last of my grandchildren graduate from high school and go off to college! Quite a change in only two years.
Agree, her best article.
My life expectancy is 87 and hubby is 85. My dad is 94 and I am half Okinawian so generically should live longer. My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer and so far lived 14 months longer than his prognosis but 15 years shorter than expected so we live one day at a time and trust and thank God daily. Our travel is limited but on good days we take advantage. We visited 5 Utah National Parks in 5 days. We also traveled the Natchez Trace Parkway. We will continue to work on our bucket lists!
Thanks again Nanci .. A very thoughtful article and timely (15.6 for me!). Every one of your resolutions can be reinterpreted as a great “10 suggestions”.
Great article~ every day is a gift and we need to enjoy. Love #5 hint, sometimes it is too late to make peace, family is so important.
Based on the ages of my parents and grandparents at their deaths, I have twice as many years left as the SSA chart says.
Live each day the best that you can.
This is the second reminder I’ve received today to make the years count. The first was my 52 year old cousin being taken off life support today. Makes you think about what’s really important
I retired at 55, healthy, and hit the road immediately. There was no way I was going to wait to my 60s and take a chance with my health. I see too many people doing that and getting sick, or crippled – or worse. I’m 74 and my health issues are starting to concern me. That’s a shame about your cousin. 52 is so young.
Hey Nanci- This was a lovely introspective article- the first of its kind in this newsletter which I associate with people who are RV coach potatoes adverse to exercise and to community. These generalizations flew out the window as I read your piece.
I was once told that we don’t get to keep the material things in this life. But we do get to take all of our experiences and memories to the other side! A great Philosopher once said “that the main thing is not how long, but how well you have lived”. To live every day like its your last,..
Every year brings an unplanned opportunity for a new adventure. So I dont think wondering about what’s next is all that important, what’s important is to just get up, one foot at a time and see what each day brings with a few ideas for the year to give ya something to work toward. Life without adventure is not living very well!!!! The important thing is to just keep living well!!
Life expectancy 16.9 years. Assuming you are white, non-Hispanic female (apologies if I guessed wrong), that makes you around age 70. (Arias, et al. “United States Life Tables, 2019,” National Vital Statistics Reports, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Division of Vital Statistics, 70(19), March, 2022. I think Vital Statistics 2020 is biased by Covid.)
That doesn’t mean you’re going to live 16.9 years & drop dead on December whatever 2040. Roughly half your age-cohort will live beyond 87. But, there’s also roughly 10% probability of your dying by age 75.
(I see I’m limited by keystrokes. I send this & REPLY (if I’m clever enough).)
The one thing that makes so many people suffer confusion in their ideas on death is that they are wont to forecast for their own life some limit, which is indeed possible according to nature, but at which, nevertheless, very few arrive. Hardly any one, in fact, dies of whom the poet’s line might be quoted – “Grey hairs and length of years he himself Expected.”
Petrarch’s Secret 1343
Tibetan Buddhists tell us we should expect to die tomorrow.
If you are destined to die tomorrow at noon, what will you do now? If someone owes you $250, will you demand payment? If you owe someone $250, will you pay up? Who do you want to thank? Who do need to apologize to?
You are not likely to die tomorrow at noon. But you might. Nanci has a list of things to do in the next 16.9 years. Aren’t there some more urgent?
Only the Lord knows the day and time. but, that being said. once you turn 60, its like a clock starts ticking. you start thinking more about retirement and if you have enough to live on and insurance and ……….so yeah live life like its your last day and dont worry about tomorrow until you wake up tomorrow
Regarding stress, there as been medical research that shows harp music reduces stress and is good for the immune system.It doesn’t matter if it’s classical. On Google, you can get the Twin Sisters Camille and Kennerly doing the Stone’s Paint it Black. They’ve also transcribed heavy metal and some Simon and Garfunkel to harp, including Bridge over troubled waters. 59 th Street bridge song has been tranferred to harp but I don’t think the twins did that.
Now wave sounds (no music) wind chimes, handbells and glass armonica are also supposed to have the same benefit.
On your phone if you open say wave sounds no music you will find hits of various lenths- from one hour to twelve hrs. I usually select the 8 hr if I’m doing this at night. Give it a try- can’t hurt might help.
My pastor gave a message in which he presented: The definition of failure – is coming to the end of your life, and realizing you were successful at things that didn’t matter. Sobering thoughts! Maybe the things that matter the most are the ones that have eternal consequences. Be good at those things and enjoy your life.
My wife and I planned for an early retirement. Knowing that a health crisis could change everything. We both drove the same cars for over 20 years. Went without luxuries that others found joy in. I watched a friend and co worker, work well past the point of qualifying for a pension to die from cancer a few years after retirement. As the saying goes, you never see “I wish I had worked more” on a tombstone. Place it in God’s hands.
Wow! What a well presented & proactive article!
Thank you for sharing some of your personal insights as well. It makes the article richer, and helps me seek out my own questions and answers.
Well done, Nanci!!
One thing I learned in life is we have no control of our bodies. It doesn’t matter how good you take care of your self. When your number is up God will let you know. So enjoy what you do, buy what you want and remember you can’t take your money with you.
I got a blood test from Life Extension — only cost me $70 — all the usual information medical doctors want — CBC blood test. It said I was over 11 years younger than my chronological age. I wouldn’t trust the government statistics for a minute. They’re not yet finished with the covid/vaccine scam. I’m 85 now — and their “records” would probably tell me I have another week to live. But while you’re at it — remember — you are what you eat and socialization and regular exercise (like walking) is THE best thing we old farts can do for ourselves. I also don’t play “the doctor game”. Nevertheless — your excellent article brings up some good points.
Nanci, Well said and thoughtful.
The only thing I take with me to my grave is my personal integrity. The money and property I leave behind won’t be remembered. Very little of my history beyond my personal character will be remembered more than generation after my death.
Thank you, Nanci! 🙂 I have a DVD (that I undoubtedly bought from Chuck before he closed the RV Travel bookstore) with Gaylord Maxwell doing that demonstration, making that point. It certainly is graphic, and memorable. Yes, tomorrow is not promised; we may never see it. So, yes, decide what is important and live each day as if it is ones last. 🙂 Thank you, too, for the link to the naive remaining life expectancy page. I have 17.7 years to go, or maybe 0.001, and gain an additional 11, or so, months if I make it to 70. 🙂 Thanks again, safe travels! 🙂
Here is a video of Gaylord Maxwell essentially doing the same thing as you Nanci, but lacking a specific list of stuff to be sure and do in the remaining years. I so enjoy seeing him here, but regret never meeting him. 🙁
https://youtu.be/F9B9H3-6pOU?feature=shared
Thanks for linking that, Neal. That’s a great message from Gaylord Maxwell. Wow! Chuck posted that on the RVtravel.com YouTube channel in 2008! Have a good night. 😀 –Diane
You are welcome, Diane! And I bought the DVD from which it is excerpted from Chuck via the RV Bookstore (not long before he closed it), probably around 2012, or whatever year he closed it. Thank you, Diane! Good night! 🙂
[Funny thing, your comments are not sent to me any longer if I select to be notified of comments. Those of others are sent to me, but not yours. 🤔😯 ]
I wonder why the notifications of my comments aren’t sent to you? I must be on RVtravel.com’s banned list (or maybe on your banned list)?😅 Or my comments don’t count because I just work here?🤣 I started working for RVtravel.com on April 9, 2013, shipping orders from the bookstore and doing a little proofreading. In April 2014, we moved the location of the offices and bookstore. I can’t remember when we moved out of that location and closed the bookstore, but I think it was a year or so later. Good night, Neal. 😀 –Diane
Well, I did get one notice today/yesterday, but didn’t for a couple others (these in this thread except for your last one). I should have started buying sooner. Some things I would have bought were sold out by the time I was shopping. 🙁 Good night, Diane! 🙂
When I was 55 the life span for a man was 72 so I put duck tape on the floor put a mark at 55 and saw I had 17 years to go..WRONG…I am 85 and still stretching the tape.
It just so happens that I just got back from my primary doctor just a couple of hours ago. She asked how I was doing and I listed the things that I wanted to do better, without the aches and pains. She sympathized and went on to say that I am doing better than some of her other patients my age. Not what I wanted to hear. I told her that I was supposed to live to be 100. She said, “With that attitude, you just may well.” Life has been way too short already. But… on the other hand I have heard that the sun is going to disappear on Monday …… so ….. ??
The sky is falling! The sky is falling!😲 But it’ll be too dark to see it. Oh, well.😅 Have a good evening/night, Kelly. You have many years left to live, and I hope they’re happy and pain-free.🤗 –Diane
What DID happen to Chicken Little anyway? I haven’t seen her since I last saw Dick and Jane.
Ha! Just for kicks I just Googled it. Too many variations on that story over the years regarding Chicken Little, so I gave up (i.e., gotta get back to work on tomorrow’s newsletter or the sky will fall–on me!🤣). Have a good night, Kelly. 😀 –Diane
I drive on I-35-E and Central Distressway in Dallas Texas. God knows when I will die, or how long I will live. So, have dessert first.
I’ve decided to spend the remaining years skipping the negative comments on web sites.