By Nanci Dixon
RV Travel posted a poll asking RVers if they would let a stranger use their RV bathroom. 85% resoundingly said no or most likely not! Only 15% said most likely, and 1% said yes. [figures rounded]
Personally, I had a hard time when I took the poll. It was somewhat of a moral dilemma for me. Would I do what I think is right or what I want? The right answer for me would be to allow a stranger in need to come in (with my big, tall, strong husband in the RV, too). But what I want is definitely no stranger in my RV’s bathroom! I am not even fond of my kids and grandkids using the bathroom.
But beyond the issue of right or wrong or what I want, there is the bigger question of trust or distrust. Comments under the poll confirmed that. It brought to mind how things have changed with fear, anger, and distrust.
Forty years ago I happily picked up hitchhikers and even hitched a few times myself. I made some lifelong friends. Today, I wouldn’t consider picking someone up on the side of the road. I certainly don’t have the stamina or trust to stand on the side of the road believing in strangers to help. Thank goodness, I don’t need to.
When did it change? When did we start locking our doors and windows? And when did Ring Doorbells become a multi-million dollar business? A lot of people say it was Covid. I think Covid and the constant reminder of division have contributed to the anger, but I believe the fear and distrust came earlier.
When did we quit entertaining strangers and welcoming the homeless and hungry to our table? My husband welcomes the stranger much better than I do. We are campground hosts in Minnesota. It is a huge wooded county park near the city. We have seen changes these last few years since Covid with domestic disturbances, unpaid stealth camping and particularly increasing numbers of the unhoused being escorted out of the park.
Last year, a young homeless man was wandering the park, frightening the campers and concerning the office staff. My husband invited him to our picnic table to talk, to rest. The office staff brought their lunches for him to eat. The young man broke down. He’d had a fight with his family and left with just a backpack and some clothes. Turns out he had gone to high school with our son. I would like to say there was a happy ending, but I don’t know what the ending was. I do know that he felt a few moments of relief and care before moving on.
Years ago my husband even invited a man who was living in a van and doing odd jobs to stay in our basement for a while. It was not easy for me. He needed more than a dozen showers and new clothes. We can laugh about “Larry” now and how we knew where he was by the “Larry” smell. It was grace that he taught us … taught me.
My husband would have been part of the 1% in the poll and answered “yes”. I had to push myself to say “most likely”. I have the same concerns as others about safety and violence. The daily media spews reports of violence and murder. I lock the door when we take even a short walk in the park. I lock the bay doors up tight when gone overnight and never leave my phone or iPad outside.
We have RVed for more than 30 years and I have seen in the last few years that people in RV parks are just not quite as friendly and open as they used to be. They are more suspicious, more judgmental, and more easily angered. I see it in impatience in the campground office, anger when a favorite site isn’t available, attitudes toward fellow campers and even the comments on social media.
But in spite of everything, there are still those who stop by our campfire in the evenings, sit a spell, and share their lives. I will gladly share our lives and our RV’s bathroom with them, too.
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##RVT1121
News Flash! this all changed way before covid! I also hitchhiked all over the country back in the early 60’s, but by late 70’s to early 80’s a few things changed: crime shot up; people got uglier in their demeanor; distrust grew out of fear!
We live in a sad world now and it will not change anytime soon, if ever again. We have lost the love of America and the flag, the goose bumps from a parade of our men & women in uniform. My America is gone and will never come back. I feel for our kids and grandkids and their kids, as they will never know the joy of America that we felt back in the late 40’s though 60’s!
100% accurate.
Yes sir.
Yes sir!
Joe…while I generally agree, there are pockets of a better American time that still exist!!!
We recently spent nearly a month in the panhandle of Nebraska. Scotts Bluff and Chadron. We found the local teens to be respectful and helpful. At a parade in Chadron even the smallest of children showed respect for the honor guard and flag without being told to. They shared candy thrown to them without being told. A retired teacher we sat next to at an outdoor lunch told us every school day starts around the flag with the pledge. Civil responsibility and values are taught.
We intentionally stay away from the big metros and major attractions and seek out these small communities in our travels. There is still a large portion of our population in rural America that believes in a strong culture of these values!
I have notice what you are saying. Certain small towns in Maine, NH, VT moving down the east coast raising children on values rather in schools, scouting, 4-H etc. Visit those small county fairs and you see it. It’s not negative everywhere.
Thank-you. We too have seen the same many times as we travel around the country. I sometimes wonder if those spewing all the doom, gloom and negativity here are really out enjoying the country beyond their local campgrounds.
You’re right on about the small towns. I grew up in a small town with a population of 800 people. All great friendly people!
Anymore the bad people/crooks in the larger cities have more rights than the honest people.
So true and so sad. A lost world.
You said a mouthful! I think this all started when the economy reached the point where it took both parents working to keep their heads above water. I grew up in the 40’s-60’s, my siblings are 5 and 9 years behind me. We had parental supervision until we were in our teens. From the late 70’s on children were raised on video games and cable TV. We all know what that’s about. Children are not taught about family values, common sense, and concern for our fellow citizens. Society has failed them, now all there is are ME people, not WE.
I completely agree Bob P.
2 parents are better than one. A father at home helping raise a family is a guiding force in that home. Both parents going to work and latch key kids has been a huge contributor to our decline.
On its face, this was a simple question that got the conversation started today but the fact so many have chimed in with passion shows that everyone, regardless of other societal factors recognizes the problem and its genesis.
America has become uncivil. Your grandchildren will suffer in ways that are unimaginable to us.
I believe that we may well represent the peak of American culture. We are now fighting to define many micro cultures, instead of one American culture.
Tyranny of the minority is where those micro cultures can be found. Rome, as a Republic didn’t make it 500 years, will we?
Aside from the economic situation changing for many people, my money for the decrease in friendliness, compassion, and trust of others falls squarely on mass media, who sensationalize everything that is bad in our world. They are the guilty party that divides us — all for a few bucks.
Covid had nothing to do with our changes. No trust in a legal system that puts the rights of criminals above law abiding citizens was a major concern. With no fear of punishment, criminals know that, even if caught, they will face minimal time, if any.
Craig you are spot on, not trust in the legal system.
No trust in the government too (both parties). They are all out for their own special interests.
I agree 100%
Spot on Craig. Blaming Covid is a Red Herring. The left-loon pols blame climate change for increased crime, Covid and LAW Enforcement. They defund the police and then wonder how we got here. Lunacy. They call violent criminals victims, protesters burning down cities are simply activists and they provide no-cost heroin supply vending machines in our impoverished neighborhoods. They keep children home from school and masked men in jewelry stores is now apparently a good thing. ( try and put that genie back in the bottle).
They create the urban doom loop and force businesses to lock up toothpaste.
Now they want a “Remain in Texas” policy because the “Remain in Mexico” policy was rascist? If you called yourself a sanctuary city, you DID put out a welcome mat so take what you get and live with it. Just let me know where to send the next $10k to for a bus load on my dime, maybe to Seattle or San Fran this time. I’ll request it. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
IMHO.
You have singlehandedly ruined this comment section.
Keep your hate politics to yourself.
LOL. Need a hug?
Snayte,
That was harsh and gratuitous on my part, I apologize.
The thing is, +/- 50% of the readers have now lived through Gov’t censorship (check 5th circuit last week) and thus are keeping ooi ions and voices silent for fear of retribution, be it voices or something more insidious (see FBI/ Virginia parents). The pendulum is simply swinging and it will like settle back into a more civilized holding pattern in time. I hope so anyhow, but until the bullies quit silencing, DOJ quits prosecuting speech instead of Antifa, and the journalists start doing the job ascribed in the 1st amendment, it falls to the silenced to stand up for liberties.
Uniquely, this forum is as diverse as it can get. It a sample of our greater society because it is a unique social setting that includes like minded people with a shared passion. However, everyone in the group is unique in their own life’s experiences. If someone makes a false statement, we can each call it out as we see the flaw. No one is forced to agree with me, nor you. Name calling or profanity gets a slap down, as it should. It is and should remain civilized.
Have a great day.
Trust or distrust on a case by case basis. Each place, person and scenario should be evaluated on its own to make an informed decision.
In my 20’s an astute supervisor (a retired Green Beret) told me that in his experience young men in our society have an innate need to be right, and are defensive about being wrong. As we age, we realize that graciously accepting our imperfection does not demean us. In essence he was telling me how to better succeed in my career. It was good advice. What I increasingly see in society is a failure to grow up; a tendency to become defensive and unable to accept being wrong and learn from the experience.
It impacts initial experiences meeting new people. Am I about to regret my good intentions? We recently inherited some land and I chanced to meet the adjacent property owner yesterday. Sadly, we both approached that meeting tenderly worried the other might become aggressive with little cause regarding treatment of our common border. Thankfully we both listened as much as we talked. I’m sure we have differences of opinion, but we both sought to (literally) find common ground and respect. And I’m sure we, again sadly we thought we had to think that way, were relieved when the meeting ended.
When did it change? I think an argument can be made that the slippery slope began when the Supreme Court stepped in to prohibit prayer in schools. All morality is built around the principles established in the Ten Commandments. We’ve now seen multiple generations which have never been exposed to God or these fundamental principles.
Sorry Gary, you don’t need to be Christian or to be religious to have morals, especially in light of the fact that both (religion and morals) are taught. Based on the lack of morals flagrantly put on display by politicians, judges, those in power, and those that profess to be religious and/or “Christian” on a daily basis in the media, your comment doesn’t hold an ounce of water. Silent prayer is not prohibited in U.S. schools, nor anywhere else for that matter. What is prohibited is interjecting your views so that everyone else has to bear witness to it, and listen to it, especially in a public school where separation of church and state was written into the Bill of Rights, and the Constitution more than 240-years ago. Believe whatever you want, just don’t expect everyone else to agree with, want to listen to, or desire to participate in your proselytizing, especially when you make a spectacle of it in a public venue.
This nation was created by those trying to escape religious persecution in Europe and is full of emigrants from all over the world. How odd that this distrustfulness only seems to have increased amongst our fellow Americans when they don’t look like us, talk like us, or believe in the same God or political rhetoric as us. This IS the new America whether you are ready for it or not. All Americans need to become more tolerant, gracious, giving, observant, patient, and at least LISTEN to what others have to say before immediately dismissing it. That is true patriotism, and has a great potential to lead us to greater unity than this divided, polarized, misconstrued, politicized state that we are currently stuck in. Americans need to start focusing on their RESPONSIBILITIES as citizens and to others, rather than being hyper-focused on their RIGHTS and themselves!
On a final note, I am amused and yet disgusted that a discussion as to whether to let a stranger use your RV bathroom/toilet turned into this! How does everything seem to get politicized!!! Only in America!
Thank you for your response Nigel.
Triggered much? Your advice on others needing to LISTEN….. huh?
Your correct tho, everything in society is viewed and discussed thru a tribal and partisan lense. Sad but true. Your retort, no different. Silencing another is no better. Brute force is not the answer. Almost half of America has been silenced by brute force and censorship (5th circuit just affirmed and confirmed it). A level of compensation for 3 years of being ilegally silenced is on the way so get used to it and cherish your neighbor’s right to speak just as he cherishes yours, cherish it more when you don’t like the speak, not less. IMHO
Do not want to flame you back.
Is it that people are fundamentally less willing to care for their fellow humans or it that the politics has increased the distrust in others along with the 24/7 news cycle that only shows the bad (outliers) each day?
There is no way to know the intentions of a stranger. My 1st priority is to protect my family and myself by not letting a stranger in.
Thank you, Nanci! We/I are/am more willing now than 2, 3, or more years ago, to share our RV bathroom. The new RV’s toilet requires much less water to flush than that of the previous RV, so our current black tank fills far, far more slowly than did our previous black tank. Certainly safety is a concern, but were we tailgating at a football game, then I’d at least decide on an ad hoc basis rather than categorically disallowing it.
If you have to ask….
When did it change? When the welfare state, government, and “societal reformers” started TAKING/TAXING your personal wealth away, instead of taking donations. It created hateful people forever demanding more, and willing to steal it, for doing nothing. While they “Justify” their actions by blaming others.
It has left people disgusted for having been robbed of their earnings and their safety. TRUST, was destroyed.
…and all of that eliminated accountability from society.
and judges who keep letting people go on probation instead of making them spend time in jail for the crimes they commit
Statistics show US crime rose dramatically after WWII peaked around 1990 and fell year over year until it bumped upward when Covid hit and is falling again. It will show crime rates lower in larger states and cities and higher in rural areas. Alaska, of all places has the highest crime rates in the nation!
Politicians and corporations have long known that fear is a powerful tool to sell products or demonize “Those people”, when in fact “those people” are just other Americans doing the best they can but happen to have different opinions or ideas or vote differently. IMHO, social media has become the syringe for delivering fear and cable news the I V drip.
If we want our country back, we need to start giving each other the benefit of the doubt, looking at those around us as individuals, and take time to practice those little acts of kindness again. It’s easy to point a finger and say younger people don’t care, but I’ve been privileged to work and volunteer alongside some amazing young people doing great work to help others. There may not be as many of them sitting in pews, but they are out there making the world a better place.
I refuse to give into fear and will keep my light on and bathroom door open. I’ve found when you take risks and make yourself vulnerable (Isn’t that the essence of love?), you’re apt to meet some amazing people with much to teach you.
Beautifully expressed, and lived.
I agree with much of what you say except for your statistics where you state (imply) that crime rate is higher in rural areas than urban (large cities). According to https://law.jrank.org crime is 3 to 4 times higher in urban areas. It is much easier to hide in an urban area than a rural area. With that said, I believe that crime rate will be higher in lower income areas where people have no hope for the future.
Very well said! Kindness, respect, understanding, trust and paying it forward are the rules to live by. However, ALL of these traits within our nation have deteriorated by leaps and bounds due to how social and broadcasting media influences on our citizens.
Interesting that the poll made the story about crime. I personally looked at the poll and thought about cleaning up after a stranger in my RV. Maybe I’m a germaphob but I don’t want anyone in my bathroom other than people I know.
It is amazing what a simple question about using your rv bathroom can mushroom to the point of how many things are wrong with our society. It’s right in front of us and we don’t do anything to fix anything. People don’t even know what crime is happening in their neighborhood. And it is unfortunate that we can’t trust anyone anymore.
Agreed! I was looking for a comment such as yours! It’s plain and simple…be responsible for yourself. It has now become the norm to expect everyone else to accommodate the individual instead of the individual taking responsibility for themselves. I would never ask to invade a person’s private space. And yes…I immediately thought the same thing! I don’t want anyone using my most intimate space…yuk! Believe me there are plenty of proper ways to relieve yourself when a toilet is not an option. And yes an elderly woman can pee safely in a car! I helped my Mom who was terminally ill do exactly that! And trust me…kids including little girls love peeing in nature!
I agree with much of what you say except for your statistics where you state (imply) that crime rate is higher in rural areas than urban (large cities). According to https://law.jrank.org crime is 3 to 4 times higher in urban areas. It is much easier to hide in an urban area than a rural area. With that said, I believe that crime rate will be higher in lower income areas where people have no hope for the future.
Nanci, thankyou for sharing your thoughtful insights. It gives me a new perspective on the past poll to contemplate.
In certain European countries one has to allow strangers to use your facilities. I thought it odd at the time but as I approach old age it makes sense to me.
I will ask Dr. Google about the potty sharing country!
Nowadays it’s a no on letting a stranger in our RV to use the bathroom. Only way I would is if we were in a traffic jam for a couple of hours. Then it would be only children and their mother or grandmother. Men can go behind a tree or bush, a little girl or elderly woman can’t.
I agree with the majority of the comments. My only opinion about a stranger using my bathroom would be a hard “no”. Cleaning a bathroom after family members use it is bad enough, but cleaning after someone I don’t know anything about? No can do.
You did a beautiful job of writing this story, Nanci!!
I agree!
Thinking about this, “when did we stop trusting?” For me it is every day being bombarded with bad news and slimy people who want to take advantage. Lawsuits and diversity have a factor.
It’s only been a few times that we were stuck in traffic or a wreck in our 45 footer and the lanes were closed we have 2 bathrooms on board and I so wanted to put a sign out saying 25 bucks for the Lou usage to the folks in cars. We could have paid for our diesel. But never did, I often think what if that’s me?
Ok for number 1 l don’t let just anyone in my RV let a long my bathroom. And I don’trust much at all specially now days . It’s not safe at all . I just say close to my RV and that it .
With population comes crime–and covid. When travelers hopped on the train, they were called hobos. Here in the country, the railroad came through about 1916. My grandparents let hobos stay in the barn and fed them biscuits and preserves before the next train. I doubt if the hobos bothered to use the outhouse. My mom and dad did the same; if Dad was home, the hobo got coffee and whatever. I agree that things changed when religion left schools (and homes), and it was lawful to burn the flag, and when television and movies got so gory and bloody. I doubt it changed in one particular time, but change piled upon change, it gradually got worse. I don’t think what Cancelproof said was terribly political. I see it as true, whether left or right . Anytime someone disagrees with something, they holler political. To me, if a politician does a dumb thing, it’s a dumb thing, no matter which party. Anyway, my trailer has no bathroom, so I’m not worried about it. I can’t imagine asking to use someone’s toilet.
I lost trust of people at the old age of 5? or 7? Our house was robbed, they took everything, even the food in the fridge, they would steal anything left outside, we left a trashcan out and they stole it, we had the grill chained up, I do not trust randos.
Now days you don’t know if some one is on drugs and willing to steal from you or kill you so they can get money for drugs.
We were once stopped in a major traffic jam due to an accident. There was no where to exit and we were told it would be a couple of hours before we could move. It was a warm sunny day so we shut down and started the generator for A/C and TV (wife has to watch her show). About 30 minutes later someone knocked on the door. When I opened it a young very pregnant lady stood there holding a little girls hand. She apologized for disturbing us but asked if she and her daughter could use our bathroom. I couldn’t say no… so I invited them in and my wife showed them how to use the bathroom. After they finished, they stayed for awhile and enjoyed cookies. It only seemed minutes and the traffic cleared
There are always exceptions to every situation, Let the circumstances dictate the response. Generally though, I would not let a stranger(s) inside our RV to use the bathroom.
I’ve read this anecdote before somewhere.
In an emergency, maybe. In a campground with facilities, no. There’s always exceptions but helping at the risk of my family’s safety, that’s probably a no go.
Depends on how much of a stranger. We are currently in a 55+ gated RV park oriented toward long term stays – although if a site is unreserved, the park is allowed in their community agreement to have up to 20% short-term stays. We are across the park from the restrooms – and the restrooms require a personalized entry code supplied by the owner – they know exactly who is responsible for leaving an unnecessary mess. We are next to the dog run. If someone is staying in this park, has their dog in the run and is truly ‘in need’, I would let them use our toilet. I would also be listening if a bathroom cabinet door was opened.
You say you even lock your bay doors when you leave overnight, our outside doors are locked all the time whether we are there or not. Our entrance door is locked when we are both inside, day and night. If someone knocks, we peek out the window first. And no, we are not unfriendly campers, just careful when far from home. And yes, we always have hidden protection of some form readily available.
Thank you for the thoughtful and thought-provoking essay, Nanci! Happy new year and safe travels! 🙂