RV Travel recently posted a poll asking RVers if they would let a stranger use their RV bathroom. 85% resoundingly said no or most likely not! Only 15% said most likely, and 1% said yes. [figures rounded]
Personally, I had a hard time when I took the poll. It was somewhat of a moral dilemma for me. Would I do what I think is right or what I want? The right answer for me would be to allow a stranger in need to come in (with my big, tall, strong husband in the RV, too). But what I want is definitely no stranger in my RV’s bathroom! I am not even fond of my kids and grandkids using the bathroom.
But beyond the issue of right or wrong or what I want, there is the bigger question of trust or distrust. Comments under the poll confirmed that. It brought to mind how things have changed with fear, anger, and distrust.
Forty years ago I happily picked up hitchhikers and even hitched a few times myself. I made some lifelong friends. Today, I wouldn’t consider picking someone up on the side of the road. I certainly don’t have the stamina or trust to stand on the side of the road believing in strangers to help. Thank goodness, I don’t need to.
When did it change? When did we start locking our doors and windows? And when did Ring Doorbells become a multi-million dollar business? A lot of people say it was Covid. I think Covid and the constant reminder of division have contributed to the anger, but I believe the fear and distrust came earlier.
When did we quit entertaining strangers and welcoming the homeless and hungry to our table? My husband welcomes the stranger much better than I do. We are campground hosts in Minnesota. It is a huge wooded county park near the city. We have seen changes these last few years since Covid with domestic disturbances, unpaid stealth camping and particularly increasing numbers of the unhoused being escorted out of the park.
Last year, a young homeless man was wandering the park, frightening the campers and concerning the office staff. My husband invited him to our picnic table to talk, to rest. The office staff brought their lunches for him to eat. The young man broke down. He’d had a fight with his family and left with just a backpack and some clothes. Turns out he had gone to high school with our son. I would like to say there was a happy ending, but I don’t know what the ending was. I do know that he felt a few moments of relief and care before moving on.
Years ago my husband even invited a man who was living in a van and doing odd jobs to stay in our basement for a while. It was not easy for me. He needed more than a dozen showers and new clothes. We can laugh about “Larry” now and how we knew where he was by the “Larry” smell. It was grace that he taught us … taught me.
My husband would have been part of the 1% in the poll and answered “yes”. I had to push myself to say “most likely”. I have the same concerns as others about safety and violence. The daily media spews reports of violence and murder. I lock the door when we take even a short walk in the park. I lock the bay doors up tight when gone overnight and never leave my phone or iPad outside.
We have RVed for more than 30 years and I have seen in the last few years that people in RV parks are just not quite as friendly and open as they used to be. They are more suspicious, more judgmental, and more easily angered. I see it in impatience in the campground office, anger when a favorite site isn’t available, attitudes toward fellow campers and even the comments on social media.
But in spite of everything, there are still those who stop by our campfire in the evenings, sit a spell, and share their lives. I will gladly share our lives and our RV’s bathroom with them, too.
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I lost trust of people at the old age of 5? or 7? Our house was robbed, they took everything, even the food in the fridge, they would steal anything left outside, we left a trashcan out and they stole it, we had the grill chained up, I do not trust randos.
With population comes crime–and covid. When travelers hopped on the train, they were called hobos. Here in the country, the railroad came through about 1916. My grandparents let hobos stay in the barn and fed them biscuits and preserves before the next train. I doubt if the hobos bothered to use the outhouse. My mom and dad did the same; if Dad was home, the hobo got coffee and whatever. I agree that things changed when religion left schools (and homes), and it was lawful to burn the flag, and when television and movies got so gory and bloody. I doubt it changed in one particular time, but change piled upon change, it gradually got worse. I don’t think what Cancelproof said was terribly political. I see it as true, whether left or right . Anytime someone disagrees with something, they holler political. To me, if a politician does a dumb thing, it’s a dumb thing, no matter which party. Anyway, my trailer has no bathroom, so I’m not worried about it. I can’t imagine asking to use someone’s toilet.
It’s only been a few times that we were stuck in traffic or a wreck in our 45 footer and the lanes were closed we have 2 bathrooms on board and I so wanted to put a sign out saying 25 bucks for the Lou usage to the folks in cars. We could have paid for our diesel. But never did, I often think what if that’s me?
Ok for number 1 l don’t let just anyone in my RV let a long my bathroom. And I don’trust much at all specially now days . It’s not safe at all . I just say close to my RV and that it .
Thinking about this, “when did we stop trusting?” For me it is every day being bombarded with bad news and slimy people who want to take advantage. Lawsuits and diversity have a factor.
You did a beautiful job of writing this story, Nanci!!
I agree!
I agree with the majority of the comments. My only opinion about a stranger using my bathroom would be a hard “no”. Cleaning a bathroom after family members use it is bad enough, but cleaning after someone I don’t know anything about? No can do.
Nowadays it’s a no on letting a stranger in our RV to use the bathroom. Only way I would is if we were in a traffic jam for a couple of hours. Then it would be only children and their mother or grandmother. Men can go behind a tree or bush, a little girl or elderly woman can’t.
In certain European countries one has to allow strangers to use your facilities. I thought it odd at the time but as I approach old age it makes sense to me.
I will ask Dr. Google about the potty sharing country!
Nanci, thankyou for sharing your thoughtful insights. It gives me a new perspective on the past poll to contemplate.
I agree with much of what you say except for your statistics where you state (imply) that crime rate is higher in rural areas than urban (large cities). According to https://law.jrank.org crime is 3 to 4 times higher in urban areas. It is much easier to hide in an urban area than a rural area. With that said, I believe that crime rate will be higher in lower income areas where people have no hope for the future.
Interesting that the poll made the story about crime. I personally looked at the poll and thought about cleaning up after a stranger in my RV. Maybe I’m a germaphob but I don’t want anyone in my bathroom other than people I know.
It is amazing what a simple question about using your rv bathroom can mushroom to the point of how many things are wrong with our society. It’s right in front of us and we don’t do anything to fix anything. People don’t even know what crime is happening in their neighborhood. And it is unfortunate that we can’t trust anyone anymore.
Agreed! I was looking for a comment such as yours! It’s plain and simple…be responsible for yourself. It has now become the norm to expect everyone else to accommodate the individual instead of the individual taking responsibility for themselves. I would never ask to invade a person’s private space. And yes…I immediately thought the same thing! I don’t want anyone using my most intimate space…yuk! Believe me there are plenty of proper ways to relieve yourself when a toilet is not an option. And yes an elderly woman can pee safely in a car! I helped my Mom who was terminally ill do exactly that! And trust me…kids including little girls love peeing in nature!
Statistics show US crime rose dramatically after WWII peaked around 1990 and fell year over year until it bumped upward when Covid hit and is falling again. It will show crime rates lower in larger states and cities and higher in rural areas. Alaska, of all places has the highest crime rates in the nation!
Politicians and corporations have long known that fear is a powerful tool to sell products or demonize “Those people”, when in fact “those people” are just other Americans doing the best they can but happen to have different opinions or ideas or vote differently. IMHO, social media has become the syringe for delivering fear and cable news the I V drip.
If we want our country back, we need to start giving each other the benefit of the doubt, looking at those around us as individuals, and take time to practice those little acts of kindness again. It’s easy to point a finger and say younger people don’t care, but I’ve been privileged to work and volunteer alongside some amazing young people doing great work to help others. There may not be as many of them sitting in pews, but they are out there making the world a better place.
I refuse to give into fear and will keep my light on and bathroom door open. I’ve found when you take risks and make yourself vulnerable (Isn’t that the essence of love?), you’re apt to meet some amazing people with much to teach you.
Beautifully expressed, and lived.
I agree with much of what you say except for your statistics where you state (imply) that crime rate is higher in rural areas than urban (large cities). According to https://law.jrank.org crime is 3 to 4 times higher in urban areas. It is much easier to hide in an urban area than a rural area. With that said, I believe that crime rate will be higher in lower income areas where people have no hope for the future.
Very well said! Kindness, respect, understanding, trust and paying it forward are the rules to live by. However, ALL of these traits within our nation have deteriorated by leaps and bounds due to how social and broadcasting media influences on our citizens.
When did it change? When the welfare state, government, and “societal reformers” started TAKING/TAXING your personal wealth away, instead of taking donations. It created hateful people forever demanding more, and willing to steal it, for doing nothing. While they “Justify” their actions by blaming others.
It has left people disgusted for having been robbed of their earnings and their safety. TRUST, was destroyed.
…and all of that eliminated accountability from society.
If you have to ask….
Thank you, Nanci! We/I are/am more willing now than 2, 3, or more years ago, to share our RV bathroom. The new RV’s toilet requires much less water to flush than that of the previous RV, so our current black tank fills far, far more slowly than did our previous black tank. Certainly safety is a concern, but were we tailgating at a football game, then I’d at least decide on an ad hoc basis rather than categorically disallowing it.
There is no way to know the intentions of a stranger. My 1st priority is to protect my family and myself by not letting a stranger in.
Is it that people are fundamentally less willing to care for their fellow humans or it that the politics has increased the distrust in others along with the 24/7 news cycle that only shows the bad (outliers) each day?
When did it change? I think an argument can be made that the slippery slope began when the Supreme Court stepped in to prohibit prayer in schools. All morality is built around the principles established in the Ten Commandments. We’ve now seen multiple generations which have never been exposed to God or these fundamental principles.
Sorry Gary, you don’t need to be Christian or to be religious to have morals, especially in light of the fact that both (religion and morals) are taught. Based on the lack of morals flagrantly put on display by politicians, judges, those in power, and those that profess to be religious and/or “Christian” on a daily basis in the media, your comment doesn’t hold an ounce of water. Silent prayer is not prohibited in U.S. schools, nor anywhere else for that matter. What is prohibited is interjecting your views so that everyone else has to bear witness to it, and listen to it, especially in a public school where separation of church and state was written into the Bill of Rights, and the Constitution more than 240-years ago. Believe whatever you want, just don’t expect everyone else to agree with, want to listen to, or desire to participate in your proselytizing, especially when you make a spectacle of it in a public venue.
This nation was created by those trying to escape religious persecution in Europe and is full of emigrants from all over the world. How odd that this distrustfulness only seems to have increased amongst our fellow Americans when they don’t look like us, talk like us, or believe in the same God or political rhetoric as us. This IS the new America whether you are ready for it or not. All Americans need to become more tolerant, gracious, giving, observant, patient, and at least LISTEN to what others have to say before immediately dismissing it. That is true patriotism, and has a great potential to lead us to greater unity than this divided, polarized, misconstrued, politicized state that we are currently stuck in. Americans need to start focusing on their RESPONSIBILITIES as citizens and to others, rather than being hyper-focused on their RIGHTS and themselves!
On a final note, I am amused and yet disgusted that a discussion as to whether to let a stranger use your RV bathroom/toilet turned into this! How does everything seem to get politicized!!! Only in America!
Thank you for your response Nigel.
Triggered much? Your advice on others needing to LISTEN….. huh?
Your correct tho, everything in society is viewed and discussed thru a tribal and partisan lense. Sad but true. Your retort, no different. Silencing another is no better. Brute force is not the answer. Almost half of America has been silenced by brute force and censorship (5th circuit just affirmed and confirmed it). A level of compensation for 3 years of being ilegally silenced is on the way so get used to it and cherish your neighbor’s right to speak just as he cherishes yours, cherish it more when you don’t like the speak, not less. IMHO
Do not want to flame you back.
In my 20’s an astute supervisor (a retired Green Beret) told me that in his experience young men in our society have an innate need to be right, and are defensive about being wrong. As we age, we realize that graciously accepting our imperfection does not demean us. In essence he was telling me how to better succeed in my career. It was good advice. What I increasingly see in society is a failure to grow up; a tendency to become defensive and unable to accept being wrong and learn from the experience.
It impacts initial experiences meeting new people. Am I about to regret my good intentions? We recently inherited some land and I chanced to meet the adjacent property owner yesterday. Sadly, we both approached that meeting tenderly worried the other might become aggressive with little cause regarding treatment of our common border. Thankfully we both listened as much as we talked. I’m sure we have differences of opinion, but we both sought to (literally) find common ground and respect. And I’m sure we, again sadly we thought we had to think that way, were relieved when the meeting ended.
Trust or distrust on a case by case basis. Each place, person and scenario should be evaluated on its own to make an informed decision.