I often walk with my sisters, both of whom have dogs. Most of the time things go well. But then, there are the other times—occasions when I wished we carried a large sign that read, “No, our dogs don’t want to say ‘Hi.’” It’s not that either dog is untrained or aggressive—quite the opposite is true. My sisters and I are friendly folks, and we enjoy meeting new people. We’ll wave and be friendly to passersby, but most of the time our dogs don’t want to say “Hi.”
Reasons to just say “no”
I spoke with a local dog trainer about other people asking to pet, touch, hug, or physically contact the dogs. “I usually advise against allowing strangers to approach your dog,” she said. Here’s a quick synopsis of her reasoning.
Safe space bubble
When walking your dog, you expect her to focus on you as her handler. Envision a bubble of personal space—that safe, controlled area that surrounds you and your pet. While training, you may have given treats when your dog kept her focus on you and remained within your safe space bubble. You expect your dog to use self-control when encountering new situations, people, and places—not cower in fear nor jump and strain at the leash out of excitement. A controlled dog stays within your safe bubble of space and is ever mindful of your cues or commands.
When someone asks to say “Hi”
When someone approaches you and your dog, they often use a coaxing, baby-like voice, “Ooh, look at you! You’re a big fellow, aren’t you?” This person may even crouch down to look directly into your pet’s eyes, invading your personal space. You can almost bet at that point your dog’s focus is no longer on you. Her focus has now shifted to the stranger.
Effects on an excitable dog
An excitable pet may strain at her leash, jump up, or otherwise attempt to get closer to the approaching stranger. We’ve had strangers even offer treats to our dogs. The problem with allowing others to approach and “love on” your dog, is that your pet will quickly come to expect to receive positive attention from everyone you meet. Often, all your hard work at training is forgotten. Each time you meet a person on the trail, your pet will lunge, jump, bark, or otherwise break training. She will have learned that other people will give her attention and maybe even offer something to eat! Your pleasant walks will become stressful as you try to rein in your pet, and your dog may no longer respond to your commands.
Effects on a fearful dog
If you own a nervous or fearful dog, an approaching person may well increase the dog’s discomfort. She may cower, hide behind you, or even become aggressive. It’s important to understand that these are the ways your dog lets you know she feels uncomfortable. If the dog’s handler consistently reinforces the safe space bubble (saying “no” to would-be greeters), the dog will feel protected and enjoy her walks and outings. On the other hand, if the handler allows others to approach and touch the nervous dog, eventually the pet will try to protect itself, often with barking or aggression.
Never say never
The trainer further explained that there are times when it’s OK to let someone say “Hi” to your dog, like neighbors, friends, or others that you and your pet see frequently.
Always be proactive. If you see a stranger approaching in an attempt to pet your dog, quickly introduce yourself and your dog. Explain that your pet is in training and immediately determine if you’ll allow the person to greet your dog or not. If you keep a pleasant demeanor and use a friendly voice, your pet will be more at ease.
If you feel comfortable, tell the stranger how best to approach your pet. Use a friendly tone with words like, “Let Daisy come to you and then you can pat her shoulder.” Give your dog permission to approach the stranger and closely watch over the situation, keeping a firm hold on the dog’s leash. Be especially careful around small children, who may be rougher than your dog likes. Remember that your pet will sense any impatience or unease in you and may react by barking or snapping. If you don’t want others to greet your dog, it’s OK to say “no.”
Reinforce positive behavior
Praise your dog when she follows your decision about greeting others. Give treats, verbal praise, and hugs to reinforce your dog’s good behavior.
It’s your choice
Remember that it’s OK to tell others, “No, our dogs don’t want to say ‘Hi’.” Use a friendly-voiced explanation for your refusal, such as, “Daisy and I are taking a quick walk. Maybe you can pet her later.” Then move along. You need not give further explanation or excuse. She’s your dog, after all.
Do you let other people greet or pet your dog while walking in the campground? Do you agree with the trainer’s advice? Let us know in the comments below.
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I’ve been involved in training dogs since the early 90s. My dogs are around people and other dogs at every dog event we attend. Most of the the participants have trained as as I have, but even so, I never let my dogs say “hi” to a dog and owner I do not know.
The reasons are many, but mainly because I do not know how the other dog will react, has it been sick, is it up to date on shots, and how aware is the owner to their own dog’s reactions.
Camping presents a whole new scenario with your general “pet people”. They do not recognize posturing and certain signals their dog exhibits. They think they can just let their dog approach any dog because theirs is friendly. Ughhh… I have a very reactive dog, but because of training and our “bubble” of space I give him, he has learned to have a comfort zone… and no, I do not want another dog to enter that. There are just so many reasons why my dog do need to say hi to a strange dog. Why do they need to?
I try not to come across as rude, but my guys do not need to be loved on by a stranger or go meet a dog they have never seen and probably will never see again. …been called a dog snob, but that’s OK. The safety of my dogs is most important and if it appears snobbish, then fine – It is my responsibility to protect them when others have no clue.
…just wish dog owners would take a little more responsibility to learn some basics of dog behavior.
Thank you for mentioning that dog owners should take more responsibility in this area. Unfortunately my wife and I when hiking meet too many dog owners who let their dogs approach us to beg for attention and expect us to oblige. Sometimes they charge right up to us and then the owner says something like it’s okay they just want to be friendly. Well I feel the same way the author feels. When I hike I want to be left alone to enjoy it my own way for my reasons.
Last year we encountered a dog that started to run up to us and the owner said it’s okay that her dog will probably just lick us. My wife responded that she is allergic to dogs, which is true, and doesn’t want to be licked. Her allergy can also trigger an asthma attack. I also don’t want to be licked and shouldn’t have to justify it.
I do enjoy seeing a well behaved dog on the trails that don’t even need a leash. They just pass by and the owner and I exchange hellos. I have a lot of admiration for these owners and their dogs. I just wish that all owners and their dogs would be like this. If they were I bet that a lot of dog restrictions would go away.
So agree, and please follow leash laws! My dog got attacked 2 months ago by an unleashed dog. Owner said no one was around. Well I was and also the jogger who called 911 for us when the other dog, with its owner trying to pull off wouldn’t let go of my dogs neck. I was so angry, police officer was wonderful but owner of dog never paid vet bills and supposedly dog is now supposed to be contained and has dangerous dog identification but I wouldn’t count on it.
Parents, Please tell your children!!
Our rescue is skittish around people he doesn’t know but responds well to kids and women. If a youngster asks to pet him, I tell them to ask their parents and only when the parents says yes will I let them. I never let our dog play or get around other dogs unless I know the owners well – I also watch his reaction when other dogs come by. I really don’t like dog parks for this reason. People insist on letting their dogs play with mine and normally he doesn’t like it.
I agree totally. Its a no-brainer. Touch my dog, and I’ll break your arm! When they want to say hi or whatever, I ask WHY. They rarely have an answer. He was a show dog, trained to pay attention to his owner, and I’ll not have that ruined. I may sound rude, but it’s rude to attempt to pester me and my dog. If you want to pet a dog, pet your own. What if a dog did bite? Then, they’d be screaming mean dog, you’d have to quarantine, someone would want your dog put to death. And ALL they have to do is leave us alone. I don’t want him to think he has to get to another dog or person. I don’t allow feeding. I watch his weight to keep him healthy. He is never to take food from anyone else for his safety. It’s common sense if people have any. But it’s amazing how many people try to shove their dogs toward us. I resent being put in the position of having to back them off with my walking stick. My dog will always come first.
Do people want a real dog or a robot dog?
Maybe we should invest in an A.i. dog.
Let dogs be dogs.
Thank you so much for this article! We like to walk for exercise and take our dogs with us. We are social and love to chat with people, but don’t want to do that on our dog walks. There are many times while walking our dogs that we can’t get around a block in less than an hour because of all the interruptions from people wanting to pet our dogs. It becomes so frustrating that we sometimes don’t take the dogs because we just want to take a walk in a reasonable amount of time. Also, one of our dogs is reactive and really doesn’t want to meet other dogs. Through years of training, he walks well with us as long as other people with dogs don’t approach him. He just wants to walk quietly past other dogs without engaging. Like I said, we aren’t unsocial, we just want to walk our dogs without interruptions. We will happily socialize later.
What a bunch of grouches.
I do realize my adorable 9 pound, 2 year old Shih Tsu rescue is “just” a dog, and I am 100% responsible for his health and well being. Yet, as a retired public school teacher, with decades of teaching appropriate social and communication skills, I want my dog to have those skills. He listens to me, greets others calmly and quietly.
My opinion is that most dogs want the social interactions they get from other dogs. My little guy shows this by being so eager to meet other dogs, of any size. I’m eager to let him. However, from a distance, I always ask first, knowing others may not have the same outlook, for any reason. I’m always respectful of “No”, and we move on.
Why get annoyed by others who feel as I do and their desire to allow their dog to have brief social interactions? No one knows your outlook until you speak. It’s just as likely that a dog owner approves of social interactions, as not.
Communication and respect are the keys to positive outcomes for everyone.
I would never instruct someone to pat my dog’s shoulders. That entails an open hand coming down toward a dog. Not good.
IF I grant an approach request I give instructions first. Sometimes I will grant requests, sometimes not. I have to assess every situation.
I have a GSD, and she is well socialized with other animals (not just dogs) and people. Where reasonable I want to promote the GSD as a well trained social dog. I am fully aware that I am holding the 2nd most powerful jaws in the domestic canine world.
I’m not as concerned about my dog as other people’s untrained, anxious dogs. My GSD has been attacked a few times by unstable, unleashed ankle biters on walks. She takes it in stride and dances around them like “What the heck is that thing’s issue?!” The other ignorant owners will many times say ” Fifi is just saying ‘hi.'” Arghhh! She could easily kill them. Fortunately, I have trained her with an “ignore” command I use when other yapping untrained dogs present themselves.
This totally depends on the dog – know YOUR dog! My dog is a Border Collie mix and so very well behaved AND is a lover, I know this. So, I’m happy to let folks love on her because they love it and SHE loves it. I’ve had dogs in the past that weren’t as predictable so I’ve had to turn folks down. All dogs are individuals, so know YOUR dog!
Our dog is very nervous around “outsiders”, so if someone wants to pet her I tell her to set and then I hold the leash short and tight. 90 pound BernaDoodle. Most problems are when folks with other dogs want their puppies to say hello and be friends.
My goodness! My dogs have always been trained well and I expect them to be friendly and approachable by others. Many who ask to pet my dog are people who no longer are able to have a dog or kids who would love to have one! The majority of us “dog people” enjoy sharing our pups with others less fortunate. I was totally surprised by the answers here as my experience with other campers with dogs is that of camaraderie and friendliness, not disdain and rudeness.
I like dogs, I used to say I love dogs, but there are too many dog owners who think it’s okay for their dog to jump up on people and so on. But even when I was a lover I would never reach out to an unknown dog. I respect that animals need space as people.
When I see a dog with its owner and it looks as if he or she might be open to attention, I ask: “Does your dog like to be friends?” This gives them an easy way to reply without hurting feelings or justifying. If yes, I walk slowly towards the dog and offer it the back of my non-dominant hand. I let it sniff until it looks up at me. Then I gently pat the head and if there is enthusiasm, I will scratch the rear end. Generally, by then, you’ve got a new friend. I understand the viewpoints of those who don’t want the interaction and that is their right. For those owners and dogs who are delighted to share with those of us who like to communicate with people and dogs while walking – thank you.
We have 2 older mixed breed rescues. The 13 yo male loves all people and the 11 yo female is a bit shy. Most people ask and I explain the females shyness, but neither is ever aggressive. The BIG problem is other dog owners who think the dogs should mingle. Do not let your dog approach my dog. My male is overly protective of the female and will snap at much larger dogs that get too close. I never understood why some dog owners don’t get this.
When we see people walking dogs, we always ask before approaching. We miss having dogs as we lost both of our elderly rescue Jack Russells last year.
My dog, a Jack Russell, loves to say hi to everybody and loves riding in the shopping cart at stores to meet new people.
Never thought about that, now I have to wipe down the whole cart with those little wipes.
We’ve had 4 JR’s and it seems to be a common trait except with Short Legged Jack Russell’s.
Our current JR is so laid back that he will stand and be petted for 1 1/2 hours (some of our grandkids wanted to time him to find out how long he would stand still for petting – they gave up before he was tired of being petted).
On the other hand we have a Chip (Chihuahua/Pitbull) who doesn’t care to be petted. Even by us. He doesn’t bite or growl, he just tries to get away. His problem is he is “Cuteness Personified”, and has the softest coat of any dog I’ve ever known. People turned away from looking at the Grand Canyon to stare at Toby last Spring.
Some of the people who think others are grouchy, rude, etc., maybe have not read and heard all the horror stories out there. Dogs get killed, and humans very badly bitten by “friendly” dogs. For me, it isn’t worth taking a chance, when it’s so easy to prevent such tragedies. It’s my job and my responsibility to protect my dog and keep him safe. He trusts me to do that. I will remain grouchy if that’s what it takes to keep him a happy, healthy, friendly dog. A person or dog in this country used to have the right to be left alone.
I might add, it shouldn’t be about what a dog wants. It should be about what the owner wants the dog to do or not do. Mine is really good at ignoring other dogs and people. He minds his own business. I have no idea why some people want to destroy his training. That is what is rude.
We had a dog that was not friendly to people outside our family, but do you think strangers would actually listen when I said no, you can’t pet her because she’ll bite you? They always responded with something like—oh, dogs always love me. Not this one. She was perfectly trained and would respond instantaneously to commands but just didn’t like to be handled by strangers. I ended up having to give her to a friend with a cattle ranch to work because, as RVers we just couldn’t continue to risk lawsuits, in case she actually caused damage to well intentioned but oblivious people. And to the naysayers who just think people are being cranky—you’ve never had to deal with a dog like that as an owner—it’s nerve wracking. Listen to the owner and don’t get near a dog that doesn’t want to be near you.
Thank you, Gail! Interesting thoughts that I’ve never considered. Thank you!