I am always thinking of what I need to do, making lists, and happily checking them off. But as I am sitting here in the very early morning in my husband’s recliner, drinking coffee and reading the Sunday issue of RVtravel.com, the could-haves, would-haves, and should-haves are disturbing my peace.
All the things that I thought I should do, could do, but didn’t do, float around, hovering above a list I did not make.
I should have learned Photoshop when I had the chance. I should have exercised more. I should have listened in math class. I should have been more social. I should have spent more energy being a wife and mother and less on my career. I should have taught my children better financial management!
All those things I thought I could or should be doing: taking a watercolor painting class, another Photoshop class, Spanish class, a pickleball class, swimming every day, setting up a small studio and doing food photography again, writing the great American novel… I could have done all those things if I wanted to. Well, except for the great American novel part.
Ah ha!
Then came the great “ah ha!” No matter all the could-haves or would-haves, at this stage of my life, I SHOULD be able to do what I want. There are not that many years left, and none of them are promised. The old saying that you can walk out the door and be hit by a bus is true— except in my case, it would probably be an RV.
So, this is a moment of reflection. What do my husband and I want to do?
My priorities have shifted from seeing every national park, battlefield, and national landmark to seeing those that are on our route. My goal of living full-time in an RV until the reaper comes has changed with the comfort of living in a house part-time. Even my resolution that I made to dust and polish all the woodwork every week is gone.
So, back to the “what do I want to do?” I’m not sure. If I take away the should-dos, it leaves the what-I-want-to-dos. It opens up a whole world of possibilities.
What do you want to do?
MORE LIKE THIS FROM NANCI:
- The things we dream of doing… What’s stopping you?
- Our next chapter: Taking an uncomfortable big step
- Rediscovering the camping I fell in love with so many years ago
- Why we had to prove a reader wrong about RVing
- What to do when the joy of your RVing dream life fades?
RVT1234
“Don’t should on yourself”
This is a phrase often used by mental health therapists. “Shoulding” on yourself brings anxiety, regret, depression, etc. You can’t change the past. Instead focus on the current and the future and ask, as Nanci is doing, “what do I want to do?”
Deciding what to do with our time is the most important thing we face every day. Time is precious and I have learned over the years to put effort and energy into activities that don’t waste my time.
As we age, I know how I don’t want to spend my time – doing RV maintenance that becomes increasingly difficult to DIY. And to be honest most mobile RV technicians would rather swap parts than meticulously inspect and renew seals.
So IMO, what we should do is replace our stationary traditional RV trailer with a park model. The maintenance is closer to home maintenance. You don’t have to crawl on roofs at least once a year. We can have just as much fun traveling in a much smaller trailer – and not need a huge tow vehicle. And half the roof means half the maintenance effort.
I need to Choose to be Happy. It’s a struggle with looking back a lot, and forcing myself to look forward. Which is why we bought a used Class A – to go, explore, meander and get out of the house more often.
Good reflections, Nanci.
Now in my late 60’s I have spent more time thinking about the same thing. I was raised that “should do” always comes before “I want to do’s.” That upbringing always makes me go back to the list of “responsible shoulds” vs “frivolous wants.”
Cookie makes some great points to consider. Thx Cookie! 👍
Right on Mikal, and Nanci too!
Time goes by so fast it is almost unbelievable! It is Christmas time again – look in any store! seems like just a couple months ago! I am still waiting for early April 25 xthr and now we are looking at snow and -20 or more! Looking back – sad to think of the time I wasted in hi-school etc., could have done much better! But that is yesterday and I am looking forward to April 2026 now as well are remaining family time and maybe even another MH trip to some close NP/NF/COE or state park! Dare I say come on 2026! Don’t waste precious time – tick tick tick…..
My mom told me the 1st years go by sooo slow. Then things start speeding up. The last years race by faster than Bugs Bunny being chased by Elmer Fudd!
She was right, as moms are, always!
That’s All Folks!
Don’t worry about what you should have done. Be happy what you did and that you had a good life. Enjoy what’s left of your life. Every day is a gift.
Tnx Nanci – I love hearing about your thought processes as you move through various life changes. I’ve had to work hard to let go of the stress from the “shoulds” I no longer have energy for and apply the energy I do have to the things I really enjoy doing. And so far the sky has not fallen!
I have so many destinations on my bucket list, but alas, my DW is not healthy enough to travel comfortably. So those days are gone, but after so many years of taking care of me, it’s time to return the favor….
Keep Smiling…That will keep the DW as happy as she can be…Eh?
I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.
Good thing I have two pensions and S.S. to give me time to figure it out..
I’ve given up on learning to play bagpipes Now I want my pain to reduce & find a mobile RV tech so I can go RVing again
Nanci, I love your articles! I read this one out loud to Joel. He said yes, you should’ve learned photoshop. 🙂